SHEMOAWIA

You

2012-02-26T22:14:00.001+08:00

Yes, you. I am writing this for you.

I know you are reading this. And I want you to know I am writing this for you. No one else will understand. No one else knows. They think that this is for them. But it’s not. I am writing this for you.
I want you to know, life…it’s hard. Every day can be a challenge. It can be a challenge to get up in the morning. To get yourself out of bed. To put on that smile. But I want you to know, that smile is what keeps me going some days. You need to remember, even through the tough times, you are amazing.

I know that the weather might not be perfect. You might have to turn your back to the wind or feel the cold nipping at your nose. But you know what, at least you are there to feel it. At least you can enjoy the sun’s warm rays on your face. Or that cold February wind biting at your cheeks. You know what that means?
You are alive. So seize every opportunity, like it's your last. Live your life as if you will die tomorrow and work for Akhirah.
& throughout this journey, Allah will be with you.

Plain sad

2012-02-26T21:52:00.001+08:00

Do you know, I actually can't wait for the day, that I actually attend a close cousin wedding. The last time, I attended was like 10 years ago? And it wasnt even that close. My family weddings are usually grand and there are so many interesting activities going on. Like the bride Hena, the grooms Hena, afternoon party and night party! :(It just irks me so much, that I have not attended one yet. Our yearly holidays are always screwed up. It's like either we arrive after the wedding is over, or we come back Singapore a week before the wedding. My cousin Fadwa & Mohamed wedding is like on 23 march. And I so badly want attend, to the extend where I even bought my dress. Haish, but who knew circumstances were such that I would be schooling and having common tests. At first I thought, I wanna ditch school, but now that common tests came in, I can't risk that. :( Haish I guess there is a reason to everything. And these two are like my close cousins. Especially Fadwa! She is hadeel sister :( and people say we both look alike, just that she is super fair la lol -.-
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& I love my confidantes, cause no one gets me like them.

2012-02-22T18:30:00.001+08:00

A past mistake will always haunt you.
I learnt this, the hard way. Everywhere I go, that past mistake keeps popping out. From the beginning of this year, it has been rejection after rejection. And do you know what's worse? It's something I don't want, but it has been incorporated and fed to me since the tender age, that it suddenly became something I desire and I pretend to want it. But it is also something I do not mind at all. I mean since I have never clearly spoken my mind so I might as well take what's given. But with every rejection, there is something within me being stirred. It's like telling me to shout out what I really want. But I don't dare and I don't wish to disappoint. But it's a little bit too late, because I have already disappointed, with every rejection. Which brings me back to regretting my stupidest decision made recklessly.
And you can't just snatch an opportunity given to me. I worked hard for this and I earned it. So just because I don't get that, you want take this from me? Eh come on. In the first place, I do not want this. I just really like one thing and I forgo that just because of something.
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So now, here I am facing the consequences.

Clueless

2012-02-20T23:04:00.001+08:00

Oh they are not kidding when they say this life is stressful.
But we are managing, trying to cope and balance/adjust but it is getting too hard. But like what they say, begin with the end in mind and persevere. :)
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I don't know how to feel. If I feel happy, then I am a sadist. If I feel sad, then I am going to be labelled as emo. So for now, I feel neutral. I do not want disclose how hurt I am, by my own decision and how much effort it took me to muster my courage.

Happy sweet seventeen dhachy!!♥♥

2012-02-18T01:14:00.001+08:00

There are so many things in my mind, and I wish to pen it down, but I just can't find the right words. I know I said I will pick up, but sometimes you need to understand how hard it is for me to accept the distance too. And just when
I am starting to get used to it, everything stops & here I am wishing I could turn back time.
But really, who would believe you after what I saw. & I thought you change already. Guess I was wrong.

Some things just click well

2012-02-17T22:56:00.001+08:00

Until now I am still not so familiar with where the lectures room are and where is this and that. Lucky me, my class always moves together, so I don't really need to worry about getting lost. Oh speaking of my class, did you know we are like the best and awesome class ever? Seriously we just met last monday and by tuesday almost everyone has exchanged numbers and we are well acquainted with each other. Then on Wednesday onwards we started getting closer that during breaks we will always conquer the long canteen table and have lunch together. Including the boys. Don't you find that rare in classes? And the best part...there are no cliques. So I really love 12S22.
Oh just to include, we had dinner together today. It was just perfect. The atmosphere was lively and everyone was just having fun and releasing their stress of the week.
Daryl Tan: woah, I tell you in this class for next two years, if I stress, I know you guys will make me laugh till I forget about it!
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I am seriously in love with General paper and believe it or not even politics. I know this is contradicting as previously I mentioned I am not interested, but after afew lessons, I am starting to REALISE how little I know about the world and it's about time I start to learn about the outer world. It just makes me think and it gets me to debate and respond haha! K.
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This week was kinda hectic and it is just the starting. Ya Allah, please guide us well and give us patience.
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And I cannot wait to have breakfast with my Bffs tomorrow!

It has officially started!

2012-02-12T20:02:00.001+08:00

Who ends school at 5.30? Just tell me. Sighs, I end school at 5.30 on Mondays. That's like plain sad. I mean okay, I know there is breaks in between but seriously? 5.30?
Okay, other days are not as bad as Monday, so for real I won't be looking forward to Monday! And the last one hour is PE. Who has PE in the afternoon? Screwed up timetable. Cheh no la, I do not mind, because I the breaks are kind of long and this is what I chose, so I gotta put up with it and at the end of the day, there is netball so that's something to look forward to :)
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Anyways, as much I dread GP, I am kind of interested to know about current affairs. The interesting news, not the ones about a country went bankrupt or whatever. I don't care, but let's see what's instore for us.

Oh ya, I am so happy because this week I get to meet most of my close friends. Ain, Aqilah, Dhacha, Khalisah, Syaqila,Aqa, pei xian, Alicia, Irdayu, Diana and bumped into many friends! Hehe so happy!! I miss them so much. I have yet to meet the twins & Hidayu & a lot more :( I really miss them so much.
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Oh ya, Maddy going Aussie to study there :( lucky her!! But boo I won't see her in school anymore. Friends since primary school! That's long okay and now same jc. Sighs, but whatever it is, enjoy your time there! Do take care and dont forget me, shemama 😄
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Such a fake, with fake stories trying to influence people to believe you. I have ranted enough, feel free to roll your eyes and twist my words and spread it okay.
To people who treat me nice, I am really a nice person. I can honestly say that, call me thick skin but yea. You can ask my close friends too.
It's those who are fake, that I really can't even be bothered with. And I can tell who is a faker.❤

I used to dream about the life, I am living now!

2012-02-09T21:34:00.001+08:00

There are times like I really wish Ain was in the same school as me. When I texted her and told her how I was feeling, I did not have to see her reply to feel better because I know exactly what she will reply and that will just make me smile and cheer up my day.
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I am still adapting to the new changes around me. There are just too many, and I think it is going to take sometime, but Insya'Allah, I will! It is nice to make so many new friends and be able to communicate and click with them. Kinda excited to know who is in my class, I have yet to meet any but I do know that I am the only non-Chinese. And sadly, Shirley is not in my class! She is in the other bio class. Well on the bright side, all our lectures are the same!
In jc, it's not compulsory to have a CCA but it's like almost everyone has one. And my CCA is going to be, NETBALL! Well it is my favorite sport from primary school and I still adore adore it! It's just....me. Ya I know it's a huge contrast, me being in band previously and now going for sports. Well, I don't really have much passion for it but it was nice getting the opportunity to learn to play an instrument for four years.
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Ya....humans should never jump to conclusion too fast. Take me as an example, I assumed that economics is boring and uninteresting, but to my surprise, it's pretty interesting actually like really! Heh. But I still hate the fact that I cannot get literature. That's just plain unfair! Literature is like my fave subject because reading is like my best friend! I was looking forward to analyzing and getting to know more books, but sigh. Maybe in the future, I will have the chance. Hopefully!
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I am pretty happy today because I have met so many of my dear friends! Heh. Alright that's it for now.

the start of something new

2012-02-02T18:43:00.000+08:00

It is thursday today and it is the third day in my new school, Jurong junior college. The environment there is really different from secondary school. They are really, in my opinion very study oriented and somehow, I am questioning my ability if I can make it there. I am afraid of the failure and the subjects that am about to choose, are rather challenging? and whats worse, I am taking a new subject economics, H2 somemore. okay, so everyone is not familiar with that subject, so we are on the same page. But still, I dont like it. I honestly have no interest in it, but I cannot change it because, jjc does not offer you to choose own subjects like mix and match. so thats the HUGE disadvantage i heard, and I did not know about it, till i entered the school. Other jc, they allow them to choose :( I was planning to atleast have my elective as literature. Now I cannot even take it. It irks me you know, seriously. Sighs, but we have no choice, and turn the subjects we hate and love them. So I amma love econs and do well! Oh and i dont have to worry, because genius faeez, also taking. So i will sit beside him in lecture room and make sure he teach me! :B all our H2 subjects same, so I will take advantage of him. hoho.

In general, I think I will like the school. The past two days were talks after talks about subjects, and the school rules. Today was the start of our camp, but we get to go home. As for tomorrow, its a sleepover in school till sat. I am really not looking forward, I dont know why, which is strange because usually I am enthu for camps. Maybe because I still did not mix around with people? But my OG group is awesome and fun! okay la, I also enthu in my OG because they are just that awesome and all the girls are super friendly, and shirley is a really nice friend and we take the same subject combi, I AM SO HAPPY!

Omg, I really really loathe the school skirt, it is so short. Really short. :( I CANT STAND TO WEAR FOR 2 DAYS, LET ALONE 2 YEARS UGHHHHH.

It's not fun! Seriously, it won't be fun, without your sidekick by your side. Yes, ain and i not same school. She went to Innova JC and im here stuck in jjc. Yes, i know i was suppose to go ijc also but thanks to my bro who re-shuffled my choices and put jjc first. I am really upset about this because right, it is really hard for me now to share things in my new sch. no one understands me like her :( But that's life la. Everyone go their own way.

I am truly Amazed.

2012-01-13T00:59:00.002+08:00

The fact that you make time to at least text me, good morning and goodnight, simply is well appreciated. Especially when you take the time out of your day to call me just to say hello or goodnight is even more of a shock to me. Because, I am still adapting to the new changes. It's difficult for me to adapt to seeing your name appear on my phone, when it comes to phone calls or texts yet. I feel that you're slowly starting to change for the better, I see your efforts, I've paid attention to your progress. It brings a smile to my face when I hear your voice over the phone, because it's not often that I get the chance to talk to you over the phone. Even when the phone calls doesn't last even more than a minute, I still appreciate your efforts to make everything different. I see you're trying hard to fulfill your promise, even if it takes time. It means a lot to me that my hope for that promise wasn't tossed and shattered. I take promises very personal, even when I know it can be easily broken. It's special to me that someone can make the promise happen and not completely break it, because there are simply many people out there who easily give up or believe the promise they have made wasn't that big of a deal. Before, I used to believe you were nothing but a regular flirt. Someone I knew I could not trust. You are slowly starting to change my perspective about you. I have always known six years ago there were more to you than what other people have seen or heard about you, Hama.
I cant wait for this year to pass by fast yet again, to see you.

Alhamdulillah.

2012-01-12T17:24:00.001+08:00

Before I start, I have one thing to say.
Alhamdulillah, Syukran Ya Allah for my results and also thank you parents, for your nonstop guidance and nagging last year.
If it weren't for that, I dont think i would have pushed myself hard for O'levels. So like we all know, results were out on 9/1. and alhamdulillah, I am happy with them. They were not that good, or up to expectation, but they were not bad and thankful, I have many opportunities, be it in Junior College, Poly or study abroad. For now, we are thinking since I have the opportunity to continue studying in singapore and in a JC, it is good that i continue here. But the options are still open, and I amma fill up my 10 first choices with JC, and the other two with poly, Bio Med. So even i dont get in poly, i get into the course I want in poly. So alhamdulillah. Efforts paid off.
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So guess what? Yes again, Ain and I choosing school together! HAHAHA, if we end up together, then JOKE SIA. Same secondary and pri school with her was a hell....lot of fun filled with constant fighting haha. So Insya'allah we end up in same school. But i have this strong feeling, that our first choice for both of us, we will get. So hi ain, we might end up in same sch again. :@ I also considering going with lya, but i abit afraid go that jc, cause i am a normal person, who does not study 24hours and very relax, unlike our lya who is A GENIOUS AND HARDWORKING. so life there might be hell to me, while a joy to her. but then again, if we end up in jc, we must all change our lazy habits(ESP ME) and no more last minute.
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I am missing my 9 girls so much. And omg, I am proud of them, because all of us did very well. YAY us. haha, and i am missing all my close friens also, and i cant wait to come back and see all! :) I am coming back sooon, i think. lol.
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Anyways, this is only the beginning of our lives. Its okay, it really okay is if you did not get what you want, there are is still a second chance. Do not give up now. really dont.

Its a new year already?

2011-12-31T16:19:00.001+08:00

Ya, I don't feel it. Yet. I kinda not looking forward to tomorrows celebration because I am not spending it with hadeel, amul, Duaa, Faiha and Hassan. I really wanted to begin my 2012 with them, but somehow somewhat circumstances changed and here I am celebrating it with either older cousins or younger ones. But this is still not bad because I love all of my lil cousins so much and I know they love me too.
I don't know why, I just don't feel hyped for this new year. I think it has to do with the fact that 10 days from now, my life will be determined and there is this feeling somewhere within me that I am going to really not like the outcome of my results. I just know it. And I keep having bad dreams about my results like literally everyday.
I just hate this suspense, I want this results day to just come and get lost already, so we can move on with our lives, worry free.
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Okay for 2011, I just want say that it really has been an awesome year, really with ups and down. I strengthen my friendship with some, while I made the mistake of breaking it with some and in between I found my true friends. I realized that my classmates are really awesome, so is my form teacher. That no matter where we are, 2/4 people are never going to forget each other.
Though I did not do much studying as how I planned the beginning of this year, I did study harder than ever in my whole life. Usually I don't really study much at all. Thanks to everyone who made 2011 an amazing year for me. The most awesome and memorable part of 2011 is the last 20 days of it and 16/12. A six years thing finally happened. Strong feeling it will continue for the next six, 16, 26, 36, 46 and so on years. Haha.
Alright everyone, happy new year and may Allah keep everyone happy.

the fear of results

2011-12-11T20:09:00.001+08:00

Okay, i know holidays is suppose to be enjoyable, but i have this feeling tugging in my heart. it is the thought of the release of results. I really keep having nightmares, like receiving results not that good. Please ya Allah, i really want my results to be pleasing. But then, we all know how well we did for the exams. A person will know it, one they stepped out of the hall. Well here I am, hoping for a miracle to happen.

So the other day, I was helping my dad mark his students chem work, lol no worries, its just MCQ and i had the answer sheet, so i just mark wrong or right, and suddenly i imagined, at that exact moment, i was marking and deciding those uni students grade, while in cambridge, the olevel markers are deciding my fate. In madinah, everytime we go to the Mosque, i pray for myself and for my friends. Insya'Allah everyone's prayer is answered and everyone get flying colours results! but i dont want that day to comeeeeeee.

Okay yay, i am so happy, i get to meet my cousins from jeddah before going khartoum. today at 9pm, which is at 2am in singapore, I will be going to the airport with my mom, and we will be heading to Jeddah. there we have a 5 hour waiting in the airport, so my uncle Osman, will be coming to fetch my mum and I, and go his house. There i will get to meet my cousins, Bashair, Tasabih(and her new babyyyyy) haha. yay, will stay there like 2hours and before Fajr, we will head to Jeddah airport, and take another plane to khartoum and thats where i will meet the ressssssssssssssst!<3

cannot wait, for now I am going hyperpanda, need to buy a pink and green scarf!! I will not be updating that often, so anything check my twitter for updates, though it wont be often too, because internet connection is kind of hard there and i will be too busy visiting my cousins. but the moment i go there, i will be getting a simcard(FINALLY) and will send the 9 girls my number :) xoxo

OKAY TILL THENNNNNNNN.

our world.

2011-12-04T23:20:00.001+08:00

“We live in a world where we have to hide to make love, while violence is practiced in broad daylight.” -john lennon

do you think that one day the world will be ok? by ok i mean, every one will get along, that people will understand there are other ways of getting your point across other than resulting to violence or death. I think its sad that there are people afraid to walk down the streets for the fear of their lives.. i love the world but its turning to hell. I heard some stories that literally made me shiver. Students killing students, students stabbing teachers, a kid slaughtered to death. a kid...and there are worse actually.
well ya, i always knew there is violence but i did not know it was that bad and there is worse. ugh, i really fear for the future generation, what with technology improving.
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so really, many people are truly lucky and blessed who dont go through all these.

here we are again.

2011-11-30T17:21:00.001+08:00

Well, guess where I am right now? Yes, I am in saudi Arabia. the yearning and longing to see my cousins, is finally coming to an end, because next week, I will be making my way to Khartoum and El-dinder and i just cannot wait. to meet Shahd, Hadeel, Ayah, tasneem, Amul and just everyone ^^ yay, my mum family is kinda huge, very huge. she has like 12 siblings if I am not wrong, and imagine all those 12 siblings are married with atleast 3 kids. we are the smallest family, with two kids. so just imagine that. And my dad family is pretty much HUGER, because even my dad siblings, daughters and sons, are married with their own kids. And some families, their own kids, are married with kids. So that makes me like a grandmother? and also recently i became a great-grandmother in my teens. Ya, alhamdulillah for my small family, with my brother and I. lol, but i dont mind having sisters, at all. Okay, so most of the time, i say my brother is evil and all, well i am equal because i treat him bad also. I guess, when in time i really need him he is there, so its okay.
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Alright, trust me, i did not want this post to be my update too, actually i had written this long very post about most of the people I am friends with, but it is in my iphone, and my iphone there is no internet connection....so i cannot post it, nor transfer it here, because it is very long. So i promise you guys, once I actually get internet connection, I will post it hehe ^^.
alright, so I am kind of bored right now, because like I said, next week the fun starts, and I am staying at my own house now, rotting and watching tv, playing computer and going out at night, because thats when the fun in saudi starts ^^
will post pictures next time, blogger acting like a bitch.

Deja vu

2011-11-22T21:32:00.001+08:00

All over again. I was a fool once, now I am a fool twice. So much for doing everything together. Well you know what's the difference this time? I don't care. Well even if I do, it won't make a difference, because after Saturday, I won't even see your face again and I don't wish to.

A night to remember, our night.

2011-11-21T17:46:00.001+08:00

Prom was last wednesday.
I was excited for prom, but yet at the same time, I had a fear that it was going to be bad. So after getting our hair and make up done at bugis, Ain, Atirah and me headed to Orchard Hotel. Yes, we were the first to arrive.
Prom started off in a not so good way. Everyone was already gathered outside the hall, yet they did not open the doors yet (talk about being in time -.-). From that moment, I registered that prom is going to end up badly, but little did I know that my opinions are going to change 360 degrees from the moment we stepped in. Sitting with my best girls. The emcee did an awesome job, he really got everyone hyped up, I salute him. Everything was going perfect, that is until the emcee said get a person with the longest hair to come on stage. Everyone around my area was looking at me, I shrugged my shoulders and said no. I did not want to go up the stage. It is one thing for me to go up the stage in school uniform with me hair neatly tight, and it is another thing to go up the stage wearing a dress, heel and my hair not tied differently. i was already insecure about it, my first time actually letting it go, and having to go up the stage? pfft. But then after everyone was staring at me, and egging me to go, I went up the stage. okay lets skip the stage part, that was rather embarrassing, atleast i got a chocolate ^^
The night went on and on with more activities and laughter. The highlight of the day began, the dance floor. Almost everyone was grooving and jumping up and down to the music. It was fun to see everyone dancing and having fun. but i guess it went too wild in the end and everyone got high(though i dont get how, because there was no alcohol). There was some disturbing parts, but other than that, everything was awesome, and I danced with most of my friends!
After that, it was pictures time, and i was not happy at all, because i did not get to take picture with some :(
Overall, prom was really better than what i have imagined, if only we can have an encore now, i will be up for it. and I will be sure to take picture with everyone!

ps: pictures are up at facebook, tag yourself, if you are in it! :)

freedom

2011-11-15T19:44:00.001+08:00

can you feel it? can you smell it? Can you see it? can you hear it? freedom.

THE FREEDOM.

finally, after 10 months or rather two years of torture we are finally free. I have been looking forward for this day, for so long and now that is finally here, i can't help but feel happy and excited. to anyone, who even mentions the thoughts of results next year, will get a deadly stare from me. ofcourse i know about results la, but come on, we have been stressing for so long, why stress now still when we can live our lives and enjoy our time. Start worrying on january. For december and november, enjoy yourself. FREEDOM!

tomorrow is prom. I want it to be perfect. I am going to sit with my best girls. My close girls, the one I know will not judge me.

a clear definition

2011-11-13T22:01:00.001+08:00

If a guy is forcing you to be in a relationship, you do not like. It is no longer a relationship. it is called abusing, get that.
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11:11:11 WHOOPIE-.-

2011-11-11T23:20:00.001+08:00

It is really funny how O'level MCQ is on monday, and everyone is doing prom planning which is on wednesday. I am just excited for it, to see everyone dress so formally in gowns and suit, with make up. Lets hope the last day of our secondary school, leave us with the best memories ever. I want to take picture with everyone, that is everyone I ever talk or smile with. and i want take ten thousands pictures with my beloved nine peeps, and my class, and 2/4. ahhhhh
this whole week, i feel like i have been going out everyday, today went to ain house with lya and we watch movie and tried on our prom dresses!
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oh yay, today is 11 11 11, omg its 11 11 11. i dont get whats the big deal. do you seriously think 11 11 11 will make your wishes come true? do you even know what is 11 11 11? they are numers, 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11. 11 numbers. so i dont get why people are saying things like 11 11 11 will make their wishes come true. If you are wishing 11 11 to pass your olevels, maybe you could use that time you use to wish, to go and actually study something. it will actually make you pass you know for real. okay, again this is just my opinion, i dont know about you. you know everyone have opinions? it is a free country. lol
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I have to say this, my parents are awesome, like totally. they never say no to anything. well my mum does, but she always give in. my dad always say yes la. haha.
but too bad my dad is going saudi tomorrow :( going to send him to the airport tomorrow! hohoho

time is lingering

2011-11-09T15:47:00.001+08:00

some things in the world are really very hard to comprehend. very hard.

following up from my previous post, my yearning is coming to an end. The stress is coming to an end. Everything is coming to an end. four wonderful years at boon lay is coming to an end. four years of stress,anger,frustration,happiness,laughter,true friends, fake friends and acquaintance is coming to an end. studying is coming to an end(for a few months). Freedom is knocking into our doors.
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Olevel, has just passed by, and it is still here. It has stayed for so long, really. People say, during O'level time would fly. No, for me time crawls during this period. I am aware, of every hour, minute and second. For a day to finish, its like 48hours. It is so long. Waiting for next monday, is like waiting for spring to come to singapore. But what I envisoned was not the outcome. i expected myself to be fully prepared, a week before, but I am still cramming the day before. Whatever it is, it is over. Brooding over, will not help. There were some that are so hard, and I did my worst. But there are some, that I feel satisfied after stepping from the hall, because I feel like i did my best ever. Alhamdulillah whatever it is, because it is over. Almost over. Monday come fast, please.

yearning

2011-10-22T23:30:00.001+08:00

I am yearning for this one month to pass by like a flash of lightning. I cannot take this stress and struggle anymore. I am impatiently waiting for the last MCQ paper on the 14/11. I want to celebrate my freedom. But before that, I have to go through the struggle of these one month. Just one month and will determine the rest of my life. Maths and Science.

Biology. If I do not do well in bio, I will literally commit suicide, I have wasted weeks and days, hours, minutes and seconds studying biology when I could have been improving my other subjects better. But Alhamdulillah, I am not regretful.

All the best everyone, the battle has BEGUN.

A special day, 14 october.

2011-10-14T23:57:00.003+08:00

Yay, today is fourteen october. you are probably wondering whats so special about today, well today was my arabic Olvl paper 2. No, thats the worst part about today, was that it was my arabic olvl paper.
But the bestest part is, its ADILO'S BIRTHDAY! That annoying kid, finally turned sixteen.Its amazing you know, how just two years ago, we were just acquaintances...who just waved hey to each other. Being in the same class as her for the past two years, has brought us closer. I would not say, we did not have our rough times, we did, but this little things are what strengthen friendship as you learn the person's flaws and strengths. She never fails to make me laugh with her stupid silliness and randomness. She is always falling, ALWAYS. One of the important people in my life, i will never forget. thanks for the good memories. The best part, I have to admit is, the efforts she put in helping me kick my bad habit; eating my finger nails. HAHAHA, THOUGH I STILL BITE ^^
Happy sweet sixteen my dear friend, I kinda regret not wishing you personally today, and irritating you, but whatever it is, hope you had an awesome time with your family xoxo
see you monday and we gonna have a blast<3

No, this time I am not even going to hide my disappointment at you guys. Really, would it hurt you to spare two minutes of your precious life to make someone's day? A person who is always there for you, who always ensure that you guys enjoy your special day. I am disgusted really, I am sorry, but I am saying this. When i heard about it, I felt like smacking each one by one.

And time just keeps flying

2011-10-09T22:35:00.001+08:00

I wasted today, because I was staying the whole day in bed literally suffering. I wanted to get up, and study Arabic, biology and chem. But sadly, this stupid pain in my stomach kept me there, the whole day. I did not eat anything, because I felt so full and bloated. an hour ago, my mum brought for me a plate of rice, but i just ate two spoons and I felt full. I hate this stupid feeling of being helpless. My homework is undone, and you know what? for the first time, I dont care. I really find it stupid, to be giving us homework and a dateline at such a crucial time.

My Arabic Olvl is like....this wednesday. three days, no actually just two. Tomorrow and tuesday. I have not touched anything, or studied. I was planning to today, but I stayed the whole day on bed.

waste of day. seriously!

Misses, misses.

2011-10-03T19:59:00.002+08:00

The pressure is getting to me, but I am trying my best to fight it. I know that many people are feeling the jitters, and even worse some are falling sick during such a crucial period. I really dont know how time flew so fast, wasn't it just like yesterday that it was the beginning of a new year? how did 10 months pass by, in a blink of an eye. If i could, I really wish to rewind time, or just make it pause. But as what most say, Time will pass faster now and before you know it, we are there sitting in the hall, waiting to sit for the paper that will determine our future.

I really want this one month to pass by very fast, and have 20th november come. I want travel back home. I really miss Hadeel, my cousin, like how a kid misses Ice-cream, she should be starting college now in pharmasis. I cannot wait to go see her college and attend few classes with her, like how I used to, when she was in high school. But this time, all her friends will be strangers to me, because I will not know any. Last time, most of her high school friends know me, because I was in the same class with them in primary 2 and 3. So they were my friends too, and surprisingly, i still remembered their names, and they remembered my name too!

Also, I cannot wait to see little shahd grown up, she should be 4 or 5 years now. Then Tasneem, Isra, Sara, Rufaidah, Fatimah, the twins and the list goes on. All the little kids. I want go and tie their hairs again.

Okay, focus now shema, and before you know it, you will be there.

what makes you beautiful

2011-10-01T20:32:00.000+08:00

I have just become a huge fan of one direction. I have always liked them since last time, and I still do but now like X100000. Nowadays, their song, what makes you beautiful is stuck in my head like its on repeat. It has both good and bad advantages, because it keeps distracting me when I am studying.

They are having a concert soon, how i wish...ah nvm! Olvls first. After this post, I am gonna blast their song, while studying biology and for once, I doubt I will feel sleepy :D

who has two thumbs, and is the luckiest person ever? ME!

2011-09-29T18:58:00.001+08:00

Alhamdulillah, really. I just feel like saying that all the time now. I can see efforts being paid off. I am glad that there is lesser red and more blue. Alhamdulillah. Thanks to my parents, who never feel to make me feel better, even if i dont get what I desire. Instead they motivate me.

Who cannot be touched, if your father is just flying all the way from Saudi Arabia, to support you during your O'lvl period. Who wouldn't?

Seriously, you have no idea how appreciative I am, and how lucky I am to be blessed with the best parents ever. Really.

I really hope I do not disappoint them, they have sacrificed too much for me, the least thing I can do is make them smile by doing my best. They said, try your best, it doesn't matter what you get. But I want you guys to feel proud too and happy.

Sometimes, I would rather not.

2011-09-25T23:30:00.001+08:00

I feel like a bitch, everytime my brother talk to me. I either scream or ignore at him. well, he does not deserve a polite conversation or reply. I dont even remember when was the last time we did a nice thing for each other. I might as well say, i dont have a brother because we dont treat each other anything as siblings. Every year, when we go back home, my cousins and aunties always ask us, if we get along now. The answer has been 'no' the last 10 years, and it still is. It just that way since young, we always quarrel and get on each other's nerves. Sometimes I wish I dont have a brother, period.

I am happy about my prelims marks somehow till now. Even though it is still not up to my standard yet, I know I am getting there, if I push myself harder. I can do it, Insya'allah and so can you :D

The best I ever had.

2011-09-22T23:12:00.001+08:00

the end of prelims ended with a celebration with my best girls and a promise. I am glad, for today. every single one there i have good and bad memories with. i enjoyed today, and I will always treasure this moments. Thanks girls, really with the bottom of my heart and I am really sorry, if i hurt you, may it be on purpose or accidentaly.

they say, the friends you make at secondary school life, are the type that will stay with you the longest. You know what? I agree to a very very very large extent. The past 4 years with them, have proved it.

full of vexation

2011-09-16T20:18:00.000+08:00

like my mum said on 14 september, "shema, remember 2 months left, just two months, and you are free"

I just still cannot comprehend, how i can mistake sulphuric acid, as hydrochloric acid, and just like that, a question that I thought I will get full marks, is gone. it is really disheartening, I can not afford to not get my desired marks for chemistry, because thats my only hope for getting a good grade for science when combining with biology. my bio standard is not that....up to my standard YET, but alhamdulillah passing. But i am not sure for the prelim paper, because it was kind of hard, so ya. but i am really so upset with my chemistry mistake. Everyone was like, you will get marks, like error carried forward. HEY, THIS IS NOT MATHS :( but i really hope teacher give mercy. Please do not give that line, "we want you to learn from your mistakes, I already learnt. I CRIED A RIVER, LITERALLY" until my mum has to laugh at me. My dad said, people make mistakes, even if this type of thing happen during Olvls you should not be concerned, because unpredictable things happen.I am so happy i have supportive parents, but i am still angry at myself. HOW COULD I NOT CHECK THAT QUESTION. i checked every question like more than 3 times, except for that question. pissed.

As for my other subjects, the papers were hard. But I am not as furious as chemistry. Oh and my mum is so mean, she always has the habit of asking how my paper was everyday. I will always speak my mind, truthly...if i did well or not. on thursday, her question was not, 'how is the paper' her question was,

"did you do anything silly in today's paper"
and i was like "..........................meannnnnnnnn"
and i heard her talking to Ola's mum on the phone, describing how badly i cried....
I was in my room, and my mum always talk loud, so i went out of my room, stared at her and walked to the toilet. then she laugh -.-

A funny conversation with ain and aqilah after chem/phy paper yesterday,
Ain: omg, how can i forget the SI unit for mass?!!!
Me: are you dumb? Its grams what. ( I SAID SO CONFIDENT)
Aqilah: Its KG shemaa...hahahahahas!
Ain: are you dumber?!
Aqilah: hahaha
this is why you should think before you say anything. Anyway, this may sound mean but its normal for ain and me to talk like this all the time, insulting each other.

After today paper, had an awesome lunch with Ain, Aqa and lya at clementi at BK. we spend 4hours in burger king, just talking and laughing so hard, untill our jaws hurt. well, it is kinda normal for us. We never run out of topics, we could have stayed until the whole night, and we wouldn't realise time flew.

the first day of prelims

2011-09-13T19:37:00.000+08:00

I guess today's papers are kind of motivating to work hard and excel. today's exam also taught me something, that in exams, nothing is predictable. FOR EXAMPLE, for social studies, be safe and study either all themes or 4, because the chances of what you din study is more higher than what you study. It happened for many today. I think for me too, because I have put in so much effort for theme 1 and 2, during the september holidays, and worked on venice only yesterday. in the end, I chose venice. the other themes that come out, were themes i did not touch. BLAH. so, nothing is predictable.
Reality just hit me today, that I am sitting for my prelims when i was on my way to school. So fast. I just remember when we were carefree back then. Sigh. Anyway, I kinda almost wanted to kill myself during maths paper, as I almost committed a stupid careless mistake, that would have lost me 2 marks. I copied 12 as 21. LUCKY I CHECKED! alhamdulillah!

I find the prelim schedule very.......annoying. who puts maths and ss together? CHEM and maths paper 2 together? AMATHS AND BIO? AMATHS AND LIT? Make my brain boil.
But somehow, this time, i made a promise to myself, to maximum sleep at 11pm. No more staying up and wasting my sleep, it will just affect my results even more.

always

2011-09-06T23:30:00.001+08:00

Just like always, you disappoint.
Its just a show, we are putting. So what if we were the longest? Apparently, its the fakest. Sometimes i wonder, is it alll just a pretense. Its okay, I will know my answer when next year comes and i see if you have kept your promises.

Concentrate and focus

2011-09-03T22:37:00.001+08:00

it feels like it has been million years since i update it, when it has been like a week only? Anyways this week has been really hectic and packed, with Eid and teachers day and Arabic prelims. This week has also been the slackiest week i ever had. I swear, I could just sit down there, stare at the book for an hour, close it and go to sleep. thats my biology book ofcourse. I swear, if we add the total amount of time I actually touch my biology book, it is equivalent to more than 100hours and a person should have it memorised. but just not me. whats wrong with me. ugh
Anyway, two months has passed, no more like flew past like a bullet train. My dad left for Saudi today. He left behind wisdom words for both my brother and I. For me, it was really an electric shock wisdom words as it made me realise, how right he is. Concentration and focus. this are my weaknesses. Even though my dad was here for only two months, he kinda helped me alot, esp for my biology. I really appreciate it, and even though i get irritated whenever he goes, "this must memorise, its important, its confirm a question type" like literally for every page of the book -.-
just now, in the taxi, as i was on my way back home from tampines with my mum.
mum: huh? olvl is next months? Ya Allah shema, its really here already. so fast.
me: yes I knowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww :(
mum: insya'allah you are gonna do well. Your dad say you will, if u concentrate and focus.
me: sigh.

I kinda wish they would stop having so much faith on me. I am afraid that I disappoint them. I am afraid i do not get the required or my desire points, thats why whenever anyone ask me, how much you aiming. I will never tell. because im afraid that they will laugh if i dont make it. if my dad saw this post, I am sure he will kill me. Because he always said, dont worry about the results, just do your best and the result will come.
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Oh ya, Eid was on tuesday. I kinda dont look forward to it always, because well it is usually the same routine. But i do enjoy spending my time with ola(be happy if u see this) well that was before she spoiled my hand with the hennah. okay la, its nice. Okay the real reason i dont look forward to it is because, knowing the fact that one million miles away, hadeel, amul and my other cousins are together celebrating just brings tears to my eyes. then when my mom calls, and they ask to talk to me, I will pretend im not home. if not, after saying hello, how are you, i will cry. LOL.
Anyway, one more nice news. Hadeel sister, Fadwa is getting married AND, they are especially making their wedding on december/jan so i shema can watch it. arent they cute and awesome? hahahhas I know i know.

If Not in Ramadhan then When?

2011-08-21T23:38:00.003+08:00

by Ruzky Aliyar

If not in Ramadhan then when will you begin to see?
That the life you live is like an ephemeral tree.
A seed sown, cultivated, beautiful to see,
Yet soon to be withered, dead, enclosed by soil and sea.

If not in Ramadhan then when will you open your eyes?
Catch a glimpse of reality as time flies.
Realise this life is not sugar, spice, and everything nice;
Rather patience and gratitude during lows and highs.

If not in Ramadhan then when will you cleanse your heart?
Every deep dark corner, a poisonous dart.
When will you feel remorse, seek forgiveness, away from sins depart?
When will you beg your Lord to soften your heart

If not in Ramadhan then when will you lower your gaze?
Teach yourself that something much better awaits.
When will you realise that your whims and desires have left you in a daze?
When will you take action and dust off the alluring dunya-haze?

If not in Ramadhan then when will you free yourself?
From the fetters that you have bound yourself.
When will it be that you embrace your self?
Fulfill your purpose, worship your Lord, redeem yourself?

If not in Ramadhan then when will you befriend the Book of Allah?
Understand, internalize, and memorise the Words of Allah.
Embrace it � mind, body, and soul.
Act upon it and you will never fall.

If not in Ramadhan then when will you turn to your Lord?
Completely, happily, willing, and strong.
When will you remember Him and race towards Him?
When will you truly yearn to be with Him?

Overwhelming experience?

2011-08-19T22:14:00.001+08:00

I had that belief from morning that suddenly I cannot read properly. I stumble on my words, i murmur and I cant speak properly. Everytime I ask my friends to test me for reading Oral, I will pronounce the simplest words wrongly. I read like an illiterate person. I was really agitated and distressed. By the time it was recess, my nervous level has gone to 150%. everyone was asking me to chill, but how to chill when you suddenly fall to the bottom. One hour before the exam, I went to 4/5, sat with the usuals...chit chatted with the usuals...and suddenly I was no longer nervous. Just 5 minute before my oral, I prayed zuhor. I think that was the most thing that made me retrieve back my confidence...because suddenly, i knew i am okay and i will do fine. Allah is with me. I entered the hall with an assured and confident feeling. I was the 7 person. till the 6th person I was fine...then when it was almost my turn, my heart started to pump faster, I can feel all my intestines going haywire. I doa-ed and said Bismillah and went for it. Alhamdulillah is my reply after the oral.
Anyway while awaiting for my turn, we were so excited. Pei Xian, Rena, Tabitha and Liang Zhong. we keep seeing the people expression and everything. hhehe, and I feel guilty. I dont know if its cheating or not...but fina said, if it was difficult, she would touch her collar. so she did, and we got even more overly excited. then pei xian also said she will d the same...and it went on. So funny lol. I really admire chit chatting with pei xian, she is really a fun person to talk with. Even though we are not that close, when we talk we can talk forever and ever. This always happen during the time we wait for our turn for oral. because we are sitting beside each other! hahas
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After my oral, I called home straightaway to inform them that i ended and it was okay. My dad pick up, so he said Alhamdulillah and he said he also prayed for me during friday prayers. awww. Lol then when i went home with ain(she went my house) my mum ask again. So she said, "woah easy ah?" then i was like, "no, it was middle!" then after awhhile i heard her tell my dad...shema say difficult. Then i was like, "NO, its just okaaaaaaay laaaaaa" hahaahhhas my mum so cute. seriously, even Ain said so. lol so funny...then blah blah blah went Imm and clementi mall with ain.

Patience.

2011-08-18T19:54:00.001+08:00

Sabr (patience) and shukr (gratitude) go together. When you're not patient, you start complaining. And the fact that you're complaining is the sign that you're not grateful.
Astagfurlillah, for i have complained too much.
At first, i thought Biolody was my biggest enemy because I did not take the time to be patient and understand it throughly. However now, I can see that Bio is really an interesting subject. It makes us understand what goes in our body and how Allah has created us. It teaches us Allah greatness and how every tiny thing made affect us. everytime i read and understand a portion, I will go subhanallah, because it really makes you say that. As everything is really unique and special. Our bodies are made in such a perfect way, that no machine or anything is able to replace it. But sigh, people take things for granted and spoil it...be it with smoking or whatso ever.

Tomorrow is Adila and my English Oral. I was not feeling anything afew days before, but now i can realise the seriousness of it and I am really nervous. The only component I am very scared of is the picture, I am scared I interpret out of point. i am scared I say talk too less. i am scared I cannot continue. I am scared i say errrrrrrrrrrr. I am scared scared. The other two, are kind of okay, because for conversation I feel i can crap my way because i kinda talk alot, for reading...just do my best! Ya Allah be with us tomorrow.

adilo & ain, all of us have faith in you. dont give up just yet<3

Thank Allah for your things.

2011-08-14T23:29:00.002+08:00

Friday I went to Geylang with Ain and her Mum. Ain said she wanted to show me the atmosphere of Hari raye in geylang outside First Lady. Lol, cause my family always go First Lady only shop. So we went, and we wanted to breakfast at this place, but ain and I reached late and the place was fully booked. After break-fast, we roamed around geylang in search of hari-raye clothes for me! We keep having same thoughts and just saying, "wasted" OH and we came across boonlayians....but we pretended not to see or notice them. Anyway we saw Qurattu Ain, our primary school mate. Long time, and it was amazing how we three clicked and just continued chatting. Time flew very fast...and before we knew it was already 10plus. lol there is this incident that always happen...Ain would pick a dress and will say thats nice, and her mum will say, "not suitable for you, you are too short. For shema can" and i will be laughing one corner. Laughs.

-

There was once a very pious and knowledgeable scholar whose son passed away at the tender age of 6. The scholar was deeply affected by his loss. He would go to the masjid for Salah and would return home immediately afterwards, not giving any lectures or evening daras, as he would usually do. Outside of his home he had stopped talking to people who lived in his neighbourhood.

Upon seeing this routine for several weeks, the people of the town were severely concerned. They wished to help the Alim but did not know how to approach him.
A woman who was witnessing all of this came up with a plan, using her wisdom which Allah had blessed her with. She decided to take matters into her own hands and pay the scholar a visit.

Upon reaching his house she asked permission to enter. The Alim's wife told the woman to wait and went to her husband. Hearing this, the Alim was very disturbed. He told his wife to go back and tell the woman he wished not to speak to her. He told her to ask someone else. The woman was very reluctant in leaving. She continuously pleaded with the Alim that there was no one else who had studied Ilm and that she needed a specific question answering.
The Alim gave in and told the woman to go ahead and ask the question. The woman began speaking. "The question I wanted to ask has to be answered in accordance to Islamic law."
The Alim nodded and gestured her to carry on. "A friend of mine was given a Amanat (a possession which needed to be kept safe). She had the Amanat for a few years and grown fond of it. On the return to the owner she became upset and didn't want to give the Amanat back. Should she keep it or return it?"

The Alim answered with ease and told her that the answer was to simply return the item as it did not belong to her friend in the first place. The woman asked again to make sure she had the right answer. "So even though my friend looked after the possession for so long, she still has to return it?"
The Alim repeated the answer again and added, "Your friend should be grateful to the owner that the Amanat had been taken back so its not in her care anymore." Then the woman spoke. "In the same way Allah had blessed you with a son. But he returned to Allah who was ultimately the owner."
With saying that the woman left. The Alim thanked Allah for opening his eyes. He raised his hands in Dua. The Scholar then returned to his normal self much to the happiness of all the townspeople.

مِنْهَا خَلَقْنَاكُمْ وَفِيهَا نُعِيدُكُمْ وَمِنْهَا نُخْرِجُكُمْ تَارَةً أُخْرَىٰ
'From the (earth) did We create you, and into it shall We return you, and from it shall We bring you out once again.'
(Surah Ta'ha 20:55)

for the first time, I have nothing to say

2011-08-10T13:40:00.001+08:00

I just feel like i am so behind in this race. I feel like I am not even doing the minimum. I am just so worried, but it is alittle too late. Now it is just time to pick up the pieces and wish lady luck is with us because....its alittle too late.

My arabic Olvl oral is tomorrow! I am so scared and nervous, i can feel dinasours in my stomach, no joke. Sigh.....I AM SO LAST MINUTE WITH MY PREPARATIONS :(

Anyway I feel that ain is too kind, sigh. But i am more kind cause I aint leaving her alone hohoho

I am sorry this is really a stupid post, i have nothing really to say, I am just so scared....and scared. and scared.

here is something interesting I found in the net, for my muslim friends and non-muslims too :)

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: Musa, the son of Imran once asked, "Oh my Lord! Who is the most honorable of Your servants? And He replied, the person who forgives even when he is in a position of power" (Baihaqi).

You know you're right. You know what I'm referring to - those times when you get into an argument(s) with a family member, friend, boss, employee, coworker, classmate, teacher or whoever. You know your facts are right or that you've been wronged with an insulting remark, sarcastic comment or rudeness.

And so, you choose to hold a grudge. After all, you've got a right to. Nobody should be treated this way. Why should you forgive? You're not the one who started this. You're not the one who doesn't have the facts straight.

True. You may be right. You may be in that position of power mentioned in the Hadith above. But forgiving others, apart from positively affecting our health (less stress) and our minds (one less negative thing to focus on), is a necessary step to closeness to Allah SWT.

How can we move up the ladder of spiritual development when we hold bitterness and anger towards another person? While we may have been in the right, is it worth sacrificing our energy on a grudge instead of on growth?

Is there not something strange about asking for Allah's forgiveness of our sins while withholding our forgiveness from someone who has hurt us?

One of the distinguishing features of Ramadan is forgiveness. The Prophet ﷺ explained in one Hadith that Ramadan is a month whose beginning is Mercy, whose middle is Forgiveness and whose end is freedom from the Hellfire.

This makes it a great time to ask Allah SWT for His Forgiveness. It's also a wonderful time to open our hearts and cleanse them of grudges and bitterness by forgiving others.

The path to connection to Allah SWT is always paved with tests and difficulties. Nobody gains spiritual upliftment without having to prove their mettle. This process includes facing all kinds of hardships, including injustice at the hands of others.

If we truly want Allah's love, mercy and forgiveness, we must remember that the hurts of this world are temporary, and we are working towards that which is permanent. Is it worth being bitter and stunting our growth? Will it really benefit us? How will our anger and bitterness change the person who has hurt us?

Let us use these remaining days of forgiveness this Ramadan to open our hearts to those who have wronged us and forgive them as we beg Allah to forgive us.

because its hilarious

2011-08-01T21:06:00.001+08:00

Alhamdulillah, day 1 is over and I think it was fairly managable. I look forward to breaking fast with my family and eating dates. my favourite!

Unlike prayers, charity, and pilgrimage, fasting is an invisible act. Only Allah and the person who is fasting know whether he or she is fasting or not. One may quietly eat or drink something and no one will notice and no one can find out. However, the fasting person has made this commitment for the sake of Allah and he or she wants to guard the purity of his or her fast for the sake of Allah. Fasting thus teaches sincerity, and it helps a person learn to live by the principles of his or her faith regardless whether others know or do not know. This is the very purpose and essence of taqwa.
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You know its pretty funny, i just can't help but laugh at how in the end things that you are not in control of actually happen. So i was telling Ain about it and it was a good laugh, because something like this I knew since primary school and well, lets say you are making a fool out of yourself. but its okay, your choice :)
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My arabic oral is like in two weeks time, and prelim is like here too and I am starting to panic like really panic, because I have not studied anything for it YET. :(

Having conversations with Allah SWT.

2011-07-31T21:14:00.001+08:00

Did you know i can sleep for 15hours and still feel sleepy? Ya, I love sleeping. it is like the best thing ever. The moment i put my head on the bed, i doze off to sleep, I do not spend time to actually have conversations with my mind, because all day i do it, so at night its sleep time.
So yesterday, I slept from 6pm I think, till today 7am. Okay its not 15hours, but ya. I woke up at 7am, still feeling sleepy. but i felt guilty for sleeping so long, so i just woke up and found my dad in the living room reading Quran. he said, "lucky you woke up, i was just about to wake you". Guiltttttttyyyyyy hahahas.
So i bathed and read Quran and just peace overcame me. It was like, my mind was clear, my heart was pure and everything. It is because when you read, you are like having conversations with Allah SWT because those are his words. No human being ever changed anything in them. How it was given to Nabi Muhammad, how it was delievered to his believers. If you didn't know, the Quran actually mentions things that are mentioned now by non-muslims, by scientist and all. See, 1000 plus years ago these things were already known and it is written in the Quran, but not many people actually know that because not many take the time to read.
So to all my muslim friends, take alittle time of your hectic schedule and read Quran. Maybe just for 30 minutes. Just 10 minutes will do. Take a surah, 10 ayats maybe, understand them and memorise them if you want to, and i gurrantee you, you will feel at peace like you have never felt before. Since Ramadhan is starting, it will benefits you too. I know everyone is busy, but it doesn't hurt to actually take time and remember Allah, because in the end, that is what you are going to be judge for later. All the things we are doing are for Earth. But have we thought about the end (al-akhira)?
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"The month of Ramadhan [is that] in which was revealed the Qur'an, a guidance for the people and clear proofs of guidance and criterion. So whoever sights [the new moon of] the month, let him fast it; and whoever is ill or on a journey - then an equal number of other days. Allah intends for you ease and does not intend for you hardship and [wants] for you to complete the period and to glorify Allah for that [to] which He has guided you; and perhaps you will be grateful."

―	Al-Quran Surah Al-Baqarah, Chapter 2 Verse 185

little memories that will stay throughout.

2011-07-28T22:39:00.001+08:00

well, it is no surprise that I can drop my ice-cream after one lick. My friends say, i can just take it and throw away the part that fell on the floor. So I did that, and i happily continued eating. AFTER I finish, Adilo suddenly looked at her shoe and said, "oh ya, your ice-cream drop on my shoe'.
I went, "oh my, sorry sorry"
that is when we both look at each other and went eeeeewwwww. I ATE THAT. OMG DISGUSTING, AHHHH. In the end, instead of me apologising, she was the one doing it. ewwwwww i ate that!!!!
One of the memories that will stay with us throughout. to think of it, it is very funny yet disgusting.
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YAY, tomorrow we all convinced atirah to eat rice during recess because it is the last day before fasting month. woo, and I am so happy because that atirah always never eat, which makes all of us mad at her. She will be like, nooooooo i eat at home! -.-
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Okay did I ever tell you that I was so irritated with the history test? not the test itself just everything that happened. Almost everyone was talking, might as well have been an open book test, with no relief teacher, because the relief teacher was like, krick. ANNOYING UGH.
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Yay, I am happy that hardwork does pay off. Chemistry ^^

AND TOMORROW IS BAND INVESTITUREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

A sense of relief

2011-07-25T22:35:00.001+08:00

The only lessons i look forward to nowadays is combine humanities because it is where i can usually behave normal and be my usual loud self with syafiqah and our non stop talking. We even talk in a language that is strange to all of you guys but somewhat familiar to us, though we dont understand what we talking about also! ofcourse like she always say, no one is as awesome as us what. Most of the time, our teacher will be staring at us while we continue our never-ending conversations. So hilarious, but even though it seems like we are slacking, we still produce our work on time right...makAqa? She still has the cheeks to lecture me, when i see her peeking at my answer. So funny and I love combine humans because the class is just awesome and lively. The other lesson would be literature because of Ms Sandra, other than that, the lessons I will be quiet and just unresponsive.
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Finally after what seems like years, i went back home with ain and lya. Ain n I went to clementi mall collect her saxaphone t-shirts and hung out and chatted, updated each other and it never felt weird. I was so happppy to get the stupid thing off my shoulder, seriously. Every stupid drama and conflicts that happened came pouring in like the flowing river. You have no idea how much of a sense of relief to get it off was like. I was like, Alhamdulillah! It was also nice being around true friends that you know are always there. In the end, the tears was of sense of relief and joy.

Because thats what I do.

2011-07-24T19:13:00.001+08:00

yes, I admit. I have been doing it since primary school. i push people away. Sometimes I push the closest people to me because of a single thing. But that is something with in me. i can not change it. I have this habit. If I do not like something, i wouldnt say it out aloud. But i would push you away and avoid you cause I feel its not worth it to have myself hurt again and again. I have been doing it, and I am still doing it now. maybe that is why things have been going all the wrong lane, because karma is catching up with me. But i would prefer to let karma mess me, than people.
This realisation suddenly dawned onto me, when I stopped replying your texts and picking calls. It was like deja vu. I have done the same thing before and I am doing it now, because unknowingly you hurt me. It doesn't matter if you are the closest person to me or not. Its a habit with in me. Sometimes it wears off, and I might pretend its okay but really no. deep down inside, I still remember every tiny detail you did that hurt me.

A theatre of costumes.

2011-07-21T23:09:00.001+08:00

Durint literature today, Ms sandra said sometimes you have to watch your words. What you mean, might not come out as what you mean. It might insult the other person. example she said, a student say to a teacher, "teacher you look beautiful today". the teacher will assume that every other day she was ugly.
so aiman was like: Ms sandra you look exceptionally beautiful or stunning,( i dont remember)
Ms sandra: shut. up. aiman!
class: hahahhaaaaa

Aiman: *talking enthusiastically about kpop.
ms sandra: aiman, can you stop talking about AFTER SCHOOL!!!
LOL, i love how she always shuts him.
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I wore indian costume today. kuch kuch hota haiiiiii. hahahas. It was an ordinary day, nothing special except for the fact that everyone or most seemed to be dressed up in 'costumes'. No special performance etc. We wore the cloths, and we took them out. end of show.
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from a source.
She tried hard to fight the tears from falling, but they were already there. It is obvious, if they were to look deeper. but she was like an invisible wall. Everyone saw the smile, but never the tears. Everyone saw her laughing, but never spotted the fake laughter. there was a time, she was so pissed that she could not contain her emotions, and thats when one acquaintance noticed. She asked, are you okay? and the girl automatically, smiled and said. Ofcourse i am okay, my eyes was just itching. And the acquaintance smiled and walked off. Little did she know that they were real, and it was at the exact time, A girl lost her life. because of bottling up her feelings and never opening up.

Wow, actually it is a long story i read. this shows us that sometimes you dont know, you might be standing beside a person who commits suicide yet you dont know. You might be next to a cancer patient. yet you dont know. Do not look from the outside. Sometimes what might appear, may not be real.

But you wouldn't

2011-07-19T22:33:00.000+08:00

But you wouldn't. But its okay, because it doesn't matter anymore. I have learnt to move on and pretend.

I have always felt a sense of respect for Ms Sandra and I still do. I really find her wise. In my opinion, she is really an excellent teacher that could just get any school she wants, yet she is in boonlay. she is full of knowledge. She is really different. I am so happy to be taught by her and proud to be one of her students. Her hilarious comments and sarcasm are the spice of the class. She always shares with us things beyond the text context and somehow manage relate it to the text. Amazing. Teachers like her are rare. Very rare.

Its okay, life goes on. get back now. ok

I am done.

2011-07-18T19:58:00.001+08:00

Alhamdulilah for the past. Tomorrow is a new day.
I roll on the floor with laughter as I hear your explaination. Thank you.

friday was a heckuva day for us.

2011-07-17T17:22:00.001+08:00

I thought I was out of topics to blog about today, when i went to Aqa blog for inspiration(no, i am kidding). And I realised, ofcourse I have something to talk about. Our heckuva fascination of the word heckuva. Which is good in myanmar language. ya, I also dont understand why, but that word just seem to make us smile. So during history lesson, we were repeating it, and everything was heckuva to us. As usual, me being careless, something awful has to happen. I left my wallet and phone, 'temporary phone' correction in 4/8 class, under my desk. So, when i finally realised that they were missing after one hour, I went to 4/8, just to find all the tables pushed to one side, JUST MY LIKE! and the VP was there. Lucky for me, Aqa helped me to get them. So yay! But sadly, she lost her wallet. So hope you get it back and have a heckuva time :)
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CAs are starting. like SERIOUSLY? but whatver.
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I am go to IMM now with my mummaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa. I want to buy so many things, earpiece etc. ^^

Exhausted

2011-07-14T23:07:00.001+08:00

All I can say is...

all of the days that passed by, is filled with stress. Overflowing stress.
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Today is one of the days where I just feel tired. I dont know why, I just feel tired. During literature, I was slapping myself, just to stay awake. It was a torturing one hour and a half, though it was fun, but my eyes just wanted to rest. Halfway I could not take it, and I excused myself to the washroom to wash my face. I hate sleeping during lessons. So in literature today, I participate actively when i feel the urge to sleep strongly. So this way, that sleep thought will go away. But Alhamdulillah after praying zuhor, I lasted the day. With an Emaths remedial after that and finished my amaths homework with lya while waiting for ain and atirah.
Oh ya, some teachers are really unfair, they just enjoy taking privilidge of their positions to scold, when really there is no need to. It is a natural reaction of a human.
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I think next week is going to be a stressful and tedious week, with all the CAs coming up. Ya Allah, make me survive that next week please.

"Living fire begets cold, impotent ash"

You are just another leaf in my life.

2011-07-13T22:17:00.001+08:00

We all know life is unfair. But he thought there was also equality. Well maybe he was wrong. If he could predict future, he swear he would have did my minimum and sat there shaking his leg. Why wasted so much time, when in the end...But he learnt a lesson and said, Thank you for the process, for the torture and for wastng his time.
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there is one thing, that is understooded by many. Unfairness, and I guess somehow i understand it now after a recent incident. You have no idea. and keeping quiet is not an option. Even though I do not care, nor will it matter to me, but it is just the injustice done. And I honestly, can never stand it. if i see people taking an advantage of an ant, I stand up for it and I teach it how to stand for itself. So when it happens to lets say, erm me. do you think I will sit down and watch injustice unfold infront of me? Think again. Think thrice, four times.
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some say, during this period of time you will know your real friends, and who would be there for you. Thank you very much, for making it obvious that you are another leaf in the garden that is easy to find, and easy to lose. And I am sick of this pretending. Either stay or leave. Dont be in the middle. I am no hotel for you okay, so that you will check in and check out whenever you like. Or come over whenever they leave you. I am sorry I am an open book person. It is obvious to tell what i am thinking from my facial expression. Also, once over the limit I ignore. k, i am sick of all this. i dont care, i dont care. whatever suit yourself la eh. bye.

Only Ain, would dare to call me up at 1am in the morning to ask me a stupid question. Guess what she asked when she called me on Monday 1am. She asked, "erm wednesday got investiture rehearsal ah?" WOAHHHHHHH HEART PAIN SIA. woke me up, just to ask a lame question! then continue talking. hahas, only she would dare I tell you. But it is funny. So yesterday, I wanted to call her at 1am to take revenge....but i thought twice of it. she sleeps like pig, so she wont wake up anyway. And yay, we bought chocolates today! So lya, ain and me after rehearsal wanted to eat it, at 6pm but it already melted...So we are gonna eat it tomorrow while having a wonderful breakfast!

let bygones be bygones.

2011-07-11T20:20:00.001+08:00

It was awkward at first, but I liked how in the end we just ended up being our usual selfs and laughed it all off. I guess was a really smalll matter that just got blown out of proption, with misunderstandings. I think if such things were to happen again, i would personally talk with you. Blah Blah Blah whatever. K lets look at this and laugh one day.
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Hahas Chemistry practical is getting awesome nowadays. All the wreckage is happening around us but not to us. which is weird cause it is always us the ones causing it. We improvedddddddd!!!!!! yay us. haha.

Mean

2011-07-10T18:51:00.001+08:00

You, with your switching sides and your wildfire lies and your humiliation.
you have pointed out my flaws again, as if I don't already see them.
I walk with my head down trying to block you out 'cause I'll never impress you,
I just wanna feel okay again.
-Taylor swift-mean.

I am glad, I just feel glad. I dont know why, its just maybe the realisation of finally you realised or that I have finally spoken my hidden words. But whatever it is, I am glad.
It has been a long time since I read a book, that is bad. Very bad, but sigh, I dont think I will anytime soon with all the stupid workload and everything though I am trying my very best to finish everything on the day I am given the homework, so I am not left with any last minute work.

Some days, I write a long entry about my hatred of some people, but then abruptly delete it in fear they will come ask me if it's about them. Another thing, do not assume. But if you did, then maybe it is about you anyway, or if you feel hurt or anything then it is you ;)

I know I know, one day we are gonna talk about it, and laugh back at this time. I just want that time to come fast, because i really like you and treasure our friendship.

enough is enough.

2011-07-06T18:38:00.001+08:00

I am pissed. I am really surprised that until now after always being with you, you cannot read me like an open book. I mean isn't obvious? whenever you crack a joke or tease, my face expression change. that is because it has hurt me. It affects me. You were never in my list of ignore, but you are starting to get there....Just dont ok. I mean, I do tease and I do make jokes, but I also see how a person will react to it.
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So my phone was sent for repair, and the news just reached me that, it is spoiled. It cannot be repaired. I thought it will affect me badly, knowing that I lost all my photos, all my 600 songs and the music videos. yet my reaction was calm. I think maybe reality has not sunk in yet that my phone is no longer in use. I lost all my contacts. Everyone. so if you were to text me, and you are reading this, pretty please write your name. If not i would not reply back.

Remedials has started, homework is multiplying. Teachers are pushing. It is like I am watching a movie, and I am the character. How everything is going so fast. The clock is ticking, the seconds are running and we are still walking.

Shout out to Peixian! HEY<3

devastated

2011-07-04T16:59:00.001+08:00

I think this is the most disgusting yet saddening thing that has ever happened to me. do you want take a wild guess? Nah nvm, you will never guess in a billion years. Hmms, so my phone, dropped in the toilet bowl. IN IT. IN THE TOILET BOWL. YOU KNOW, WHERE PEOPLE SHIT AND PEE, AND WHO KNOWS WHAT. MY PHONE WENT IN THERE. AND I HAVE TAKE IT. it was in a shopping mall toilet, so MILLIONS OF GIRLS/WOMAN/OLD WOMAN/ USED IT. i was grossed out. and I was alone, depending on my phone to contact my friends and it fell. imagine my mortification. my desperation in that moment. Sigh. For now, i will be using a temporary phone. HEHEHE, ITS A BLACK BERRY. HOHOHO. My daddy's phone. btw, he came back from saudi arabia already.
And my phone :( gone CASE!

reflections......lol

2011-06-28T20:42:00.001+08:00

Just now, on my journey back from arabic class, I was thinking how I changed for the past years. Secondary 1, I was such a quiet person. Okay i am kidding. I was not quiet, never was ever. However, I was not daring nor was I no confident. But now, I would not say I am very confident, there are times where I lack it, but it has improved tremedously from the past. and I realised one thing, since primary school I was always a sociable person. Meaning, i got along well with most of the people. Thats because there are some people, where it is really impossible to get along with. Anyways, I am so happy to have taken up all the roles that the school had offered me in my secondary school life. I used to complain alot that it took most of my time and etc but to think about it now, it has aided me in many ways. So happy, LOL.
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In another note, my dad is coming to singapore on saturday! YAY MY CHEMISTRY BRAIN IS HOME IS COMING. YAHOOO. I am gonna take so much advantage of him, till he is fed up of me. But he will not, cause he is the awesomest human being ever. He is also good in MATHS. Plus he can help me in Biology. He always action that he Ace his biology exams last time, so why I cannot. thats because, i dont care where a human canal lies or where the blood or how the heart pump.
YAY HAPPY KID, I CANT WAIT. hmms, I wonder what present he has in store for me? My mother said he bought us all each a different surprise gift. I mean I am not the type of person, that usually asks for gifts and presents and all. So when he asked the other time what I wanted, i was like nothing. But hey, i am not going to turn down a gift!

Again the cycle starts.

2011-06-27T22:33:00.000+08:00

Erm, so today is the first day of the second term, i mean semester. So few months, left for the big Os and I am no where near ready. Today was awful because of the lectures they gave. Some really made me just....ugh. Some made me smile, and others just left me speechless.
But i am happy I finish the amount of workload that I had. I worked from 5.30pm straight till 10 pm. Well ofcourse in between i had dinner and etc. Sigh, atleast I am happy that some homework are done in advance so i do not have to worry for about a week. No joking, tomorrow they will give us more again. Ugh, and they wonder why we dont have time to study.
The highlight of the day would be accompanying ain to cut her hair with lya. We had a blast messing up with her hair and torturing her.
Okay i am suppose to be up by 10.30, its 10.33 now. BYE.

once in awhile

2011-06-25T23:13:00.001+08:00

So for the first time, i felt what it was like to be an ex-member and it is so fun and privilidge okay! I was greeted by the sec 1 squad for the first time. I mean as an ex-member. I mean usually is greeted after band end. I was shocked when I went to watch them do drills and the drill IC suddenly ask them to greet me. I even turned behind to check if there was another female ex-member behind me. My face expression was priceless. So BBQ as usual was awesome, and as usual the food is so much, and the fire will irritate us. The highlight of the day would be playing hopscotch with my graduating batch. Childhood memories, favorite. Primary school I remember we always play that. We do not even eat for recess. Bell ring, we will run to "chop" hopscotch game. hehee so fun! Love this people, they have been with me through so much that it just hurts to see us separating already, but nvm I am sure all of us will keep in touch.
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want to know what is the worst decision ever? Is picking up a phone call from ain at 11pm cause it will literally drag until 5pm. The worse thing? I had Biology lesson the next day and I have to wake up at 6.30am. So in the end I did not sleep at all, cause i was afraid if I slept, well I wont wake up. So tried to make use of my time, but forget it, I was too tired to even think so ended up watching TV and i dozed off for like 15minutes. Thank god I woke up. After my biology lesson, and breakfast with ain, I went home and had a good sleep till maghrib. so refreshing. Hohoho. But i am not shocked though, it is always like that. I mean ain and me, we can make a topic out of a mountain hole. I mean we are so hilarious, so entertaing and we always joke that there two types of people. One like us,(not many people are in that list), and the other is the super lame, no comment group. HAHAHAHAS ITS JUST A JOKE. but i always love talking with her. My longest friend of 7 years.

when a student makes a stupid comment.

2011-06-21T16:04:00.001+08:00

I think today's Highlight of the day was when a teacher was pissed and had no mood to teach us any longer because of a stupid student comment. It was so epic, and the class was left speechless, as we did not know how to react. Like what are we suppose to do. Okay it all started when two students started packing their bags and everyone in the class was getting restless.
So the teacher said, how to have 1hour and a half lesson, when you guys are already like this.
One idiot person said: because we prepared ourself for an hour lesson.
the class fell silence, and ofcourse it made the teacher angry! The teacher got really furious and it was like BAMB change of mood, like a woman with pms. asked those not interested to get out, and then asked the idiotic person to get out.
Still that person has the cheek to say: ah, we prepare for 1 hour and a half now ah.
The class just stared at that person with dagger eyes. Then after what seemed like a decade, the teacher said he/she has no mood to teach anymore. So it was like: Thank you class.......(no one replied, everyone was paralysed on their seats). "I said thank you class..........!!" "ahhh thaaaaaaankkkkkk youuuuu teacher"
The moment he/she left, the class silence broke and everyone was Loud whispering. Sigh it was really an awkward session, to make it worse, I could not shut my laughter. I mean it was not funny, but I wanted to laugh. Actually many wanted to laugh. Sigh.
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Jokes aside, I really wish that atleast they would make an effort. I mean even if it is like a really gone case thing, atleast let us see you are making an effort. we will appreciate it. and not just nag. seriously.

The easy way out is there, but.

2011-06-20T18:48:00.001+08:00

Okay honestly speaking, I like listening to my friends when they tell ghost stories cause it is usually very interesting and it just scares the gut out of me. But really it is interesting to listen, because in my house you will never have anyone talking about it. My parents do not allow. Anyways, in the end though, I will always regret listening cause I will think about it, and think and think and think. This is the real reason why my parents do not allow. see what happens when you defy them. I have never watched a horror movie before ok. Maybe glimps, but sat through it. No, and I doubt I will anytime soon.
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Anyway today is Aqilah's birthday, so happy sweet 16th babe. Hope you enjoyed the special treat we made for you just now!<3

Surprisingly, the english workshop was not that boring. I mean apart from the constant yawning and resting my head on the table. I learnt how to manage comprehension questions. They gave us some formula's. I mean I know there is no formula, but the formula somehow work. Since I work better with formula, hopefully it will benefit me. Oh gosh, I happen to be sitting beside Adilo. And you know when I sit beside here, there bound to be something idiotic or laughable that we will commit. So Mr Tan was about to thank the class after it ended, so he just said say "Thank you teachers" since mr daanishah was also there. Amazingly, actually not but anyway, we both did not hear that well so...when we thanked the teachers, adilo and I was like "THANKKKKK YOUUUUUU MRR TAAAAAAAN AND MR DAAANISH" very loudly. Then there was dead drop silence from the class. Sigh.
Also she annoys me, because she controls my biting nails habit. whenever I do it, she will hit me or pull my hand. Gosh, but ya its for my own good. BUT.... hahahhas own good. it is time to kick the habit anyway.

too busy.

2011-06-19T19:00:00.001+08:00

It has been along time since I actually wrote something here. Not that I am avoiding to write here or something. It is just there is so much going on. This week many things occur, from drama, to stress, to frustration to watching a movie, to realising that I have two friends that I could always count on to an awesome sleepover, and finally a belanje from my arabic teacher.
I have a minute in laptop so next time. tata

wish upon a star.

2011-06-11T22:12:00.002+08:00

I also want have a study camp with my cousin where we would spend two full days fruitfully studying. Things have been going rough or maybe smooth I have no idea. Its just too difficult to see the straight lines. I still face bumps on the road, and it is alittle bit too late for bumps now. I am suppose to be seeing green lights everywhere, but i am seeing orange.

Anyways, I am kinda good in bowling. Nah not bragging but during the outing with my arabic classmates on 9/6, we played bowling. It was my first time, and the ball always goes in the middle. BBQ and Playing foosball were the higlight of the day.
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I really wish time would go back to the time where I was studying with Hadeel in the same classrooms. how we do not have to worry about grades because we were always so confident we will score full marks. Like I remember this incident very vivdly. We were having maths test the next day and Hadeel and I both said to Aunt Asmah, we promise not to study, because we can do it without studying! We will score full marks. And we went off to play with our "stick" dolls. Then the next day we took the test. Days later, we got back our test, and we both scored full marks! that was when maths was 3 x 3. I want go back to that time. She will be getting her results soon. She repeated high school year 3, because she was not happy with her results. She score 85 in total out of 100. No you dont have to comment, I already know how stupid she is to let go of this opportunity. But I know she can score better marks like 94 and above, and her dream is also to study pharmsis like me. After her results are out, it would be her turn to wish for me, like how I am wishing for her now.

Once in awhile, we breathe.

2011-06-06T17:39:00.002+08:00

The best girls, to share food with.

Malacca Study trip was an awesome break for both Core History and Literature students, and it was a chance for us to get rid of our doubts and prepare for the Os. Having to go on this trip with Ms sandra was the best choice, because she is the most chillax teacher ever. She never failed to make us laugh 24hours. Since it was a study trip, most of it we were stuck in separate function rooms History and Literature. We literature students went through the key events in MSND and how to tackle essay questions with games in between. as a class bonded somehow. Like Tabitha said, the trip is like "eat and sit" because we were eating alot and lot. Every lunch, dinner my table will consist of the same people that cracks the lamest jokes. So awesome, overall I enjoyed myself though it would have been more fun if core geog joined us, then lya, atirah and aqa would be with us!
I think what ruined the trip is the tourist guide with her constant talking and lame jokes. Even though no one is paying attention, she is still talking and talking. and talking. Also the shortage of time for shopping. 45 minute? and that too plus the walking to the other side, so it is like less than 30 minutes. -.-
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A joke to you, is an insult to others. Think twice before you tease or anything, because most of the time they hurt. There is a limit to everything, when you reach over the limit that is when I transfer you to the list of ignore where I would just ignore you.

Through ups and Down.

2011-06-02T20:02:00.001+08:00

The most funniest thing is that mother tongue paper was on monday, and I had more than 3 people wishing me all the best. So I continued to play along that i am taking the exam, then in the end gave up! Like a BOSS. Hah.
This tuesday, my room was packed with 9 girls watching a good movie. Too bad 6 are not emotional at all, during the sad part, they keep on laughing. One person will crack a joke and the others will laugh. Ain and I kept looking at each other and giving puzzled looks. Cause we already watched the movie, and we were so affected by it. So we concluded they are cold-blooded people. But it was so fun and cool, wooo. And i realise this group of girls have always been together since sec 1 till now, through ups and down.
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The serious note, the amount of homework given is like a year's LOAD.

sometimes you just feel like slapping their face whenever they pull you down.

2011-05-26T21:05:00.001+08:00

I hate it, everytime you guys put us down it is really like praying for us to do our worse. You guys know it is hard to get everybody's focus and attention so you just give up? Stop trying to care? Then in the end say that you guys can see our future. Do you know how much of that stuff actually? Well you will never know if it hurts or not, because you are never in our shoes. You guys praise the other class and say its perfect unlike ours. Did you pause to think what is hindering us? stop assuming that we are not interested. Stop pulling us down, instead try to motivate. This is a period of time where everything you say is sensitive. Ya we know we are the ones supposed to be putting in effort and working hard, but really how to work hard when you are not even working hard with us, you are just leaving us to our ownselves. So think twice, if you think your criticsm will wake us up or if comparing us with the other class helps, think again. Seriously, dont even bother to talk if you yourself is slacking in everything also. Especially you. You see future nurses ah? I see future human Duck.
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Sometimes there is nothing you can do to explain how things really are. Sometimes people just don't get it. Sometimes you wonder if the people you don't think understand actually know what is going on. What if they are just pretending? What if they know, does that make it better or worse? Sometimes I want everyone to know, sometimes I don't want anyone to. Sometimes I lay there and wonder if even I know what is going on with me.

Ya, i heard.

2011-05-24T21:30:00.001+08:00

Things aren't as easy as you think they are. Most people don't get good grades and jobs just because they're smart; the majority of it lies in working hard. Stop hoping and wishing that maybe someday, things will get better, because that never happens. You have to make things better.
-quoted.

_____________

Today I only had maths lesson, the rest were all free.

Your turn, make a move.

2011-05-23T16:11:00.001+08:00

The world keeps spinning, the days keep passing, the clock keeps ticking. Live for the moments. For they all pass eventually. The good and the bad will move on. Don't linger on what has already come and gone because sure as hell time ain't coming back despite all your wishing. Pick up the pieces. Stitch yourself together. Hide the scars and wounds, maybe then they will heal. Keep living for tomorrow. And take a chance for once.
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Today History lesson was interesting because I was trying to engage in the lesson, but someone was being a bad pest trying to disturb. Syafiqah la, who else. So i was like listening intently to the teacher and taking down notes, when someone beside keeps talking nonstop about nonsense. Then she said,"woah, since when you listen?" and I went,"SHUT UP LA, I AM TRYING RIGHT" then she laughoutloud and then continued disturbing. Annoying pest, especially today. Her main mission I think was irritate shema day or something, cause she was really annoying like annoying orange. Then halfway, ofcourse I gave up and chat with her. Teacher was quiet for awhile, letting the class copy notes.
So Aqa was talking to me, then teacher's voice suddenly interrupted. 'okay class...' aqa: NOW he is interrupting our conversation!!!! HAHAHA! And we fell into fits of laughter. So funny really. See that is why combine humans is such a joy lesson and also the class people are awesome so ya.

One of my close friends was doing the inbox me number thing, and so I inbox a number. What she wrote to me was one of the sweetest and the saddest note ever, because it made me realise how far we really drifted. Reflecting back, I see how my reaction to a certain things may have changed your opinion of me. Maybe because I was going through a rough time, but deep down inside i know that you are one of those rare ones that know my true self, because you were there when I was down the ladder and you were there when I was up the ladder. You were always there, just not visible most of the times but I know you care because you proved to me you do. So even though we've changed and we're all finding our own place in the world, we all know that when the tears fall or the smile spreads across our face, we'll come to each other because no matter where this crazy world takes us, nothing will ever change so much to the point where we're still james bond partners. Love ya.

Yet another wake up call and Reality check.

2011-05-21T00:06:00.001+08:00

I am surprised at how postively I reacted towards my results today. There was not a single subject that made me jump and down with joy, maybe combine humans but it was still not up to my usual standard. However, I took it all positively, a learning experience. This is new for me, very new. Usually when I do not do well, I will sulk at once corner and will be emotional the whole day. But really to think of it, sulking and all is not going to help. It is already done, the damage. The least I can do is accept it and treat it as a learning experience. This is a another wake up call, but this time it is real because it is infront of you.
-
I do not know whether I ever shared this here, but I feel like noting it down. I remember when I was in primary 4, my first in year studying in singapore. I was in the second bottom class because my english was not good. I could not handle maths and science because it is in english. Mid-year marks was a disappointment. Even though I passed my english, i failed my science and maths. 39 & 42. I was pissed, disappointed and I broke down. I really felt like I could not do it anymore, that was in primary 4. But I have no idea how, but suddenly I was motivated...to do well for end of year. I worked 2 months before the end of year. I worked very hard. My parents bought for me the Top 20 schools end of year papers, and I drilled myself i guess, till manage to do well. And my End of year marks was a 78 for maths and 74 for science which made me land in the 2nd best class plus receiving the most improved award. That was then, maybe it was easier to achieve because that is primary school and this is secondary school. But there is no difference...because if you put in effort, no matter what i think is confirm can one. so lets do it. 4/7 WE CAN, screw what people say and no matter how hard they put us down, we are gonna show them. LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO :D

Our Dearest Clones.

2011-05-19T20:55:00.001+08:00

HEY HEY TODAY IS TWINS BIRTHDAY. DID YOU KNOW, DID YOU KNOW? WOOO.

We had a mini-birthday celebration with them at jurong central park macdonald. I must say, the service is very good. We had the blast and most awesome-st time. We chit-chat like we owned the place, screaming and laughing. It was really fun, and all the close friends were there which made it more meaningful except for khalisah, cause she had bio workshop. boohoo
So like I said, it has been such a long time we sat and talked and crapped. We realised it is always twins birthday we do that, yay!

Dear Raihana,
Happy sweet 16, weeeee. Hahahas, Thanks for tolerating my craps from sec 1 until now. Especially during Amaths lesson, when I go haywire. Thank you for your constant encouragements and your irritatingness, and annoying-ness that never FAILS to make me laugh out loud. Hahahs, continue to be hyper and happy-go lucky, but i suggest you cut down on bullying me and "BITING" ME (inside joke).
All the best in everything you do, your Olevels, which I am very very confident you will be doing well in.WEEEEEEE!♥

Dear Farhana,
Happy sweet 16th. HOHO, you ah, like some makcik that I want to pinch all the time. Especially when you are in a panic, so funny. Hahas, thanks for being an awesome friend that never fails to make me laugh. Thanks for being annoying, that constantly beat me. Hehe. Continue being smiley-miley and stop being a kanchiong queennnnn! All the best in everything you do, your Olevels which I also no doubt you will be doing well. SO WEEEEEEEE!♥

Our Dearest Clones

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Sometimes....its just sometimes.

2011-05-18T21:52:00.001+08:00

this two were part of my childhood and they still are :P

Hey Is it a migrane or is it just a weird headache? My head feels like want to explode...and no i ain't exaggerating. I am serious. So pain. Yeah anyways I stayed at home this 'weekends' and had the blast of time. I finished 6 books, and I feel very contented. I mean who wouldn't? Books are like my favorite getaway. There was nothing disturbing me, and I chatted with hehehe shall i keep to myself? Oh whatever. I chatted with someone that I never talk to for the past 6 years? Ya someone from home...I tell you it was a nice surprise.
Anyways tomorrow I will be having my last (BIG WHOOP) mid year exam, science MCQ and I will then have to get ready to receive my results back. This is the most part I hate, because I will shiver and I will bite my nails, and cry if unexpected things happen. But in this time round, it is not unexpected but it will still be saddening. Oh come on, wouldn't be? My bio, literature, Amaths, History, SS, maths, chem and english. English I am really certain for comprehension I would atleast be getting a 15/50 or something. I AM SURE OF IT. okay whatever, I should not be talking about it, but you know that feeling when you just really want know how good you did or how bad you screwed up. I am feeling that. I have not touch yet a single thing for sci mcq and I am talking about other subjects. WHATS IS WRONG WITH ME?
-
Okay I should really go and study science mcq. I should I should

A sense of relief? Oh no.

2011-05-16T20:09:00.000+08:00

Sigh, I thought that after today's Amaths and history paper, my head will feel light and I will be contented like never before as all my heavy subjects are done. However the exact opposite happens. My mind is like in a whirlpool, I cannot seem to think straight. It seems like it is carrying a huge load of gold or something. Other thoughts keep pervading my mind. I keep thinking about the results. About how I did not try hard enough. About all the opportunities I did not seize. But it's just that I am tired of constantly studying. I haven't had a relaxed, good night of sleep in months. I feel panicky nowadays. Really. When people discuss their answers after the paper, and I find my answer different I become so paranoid that is hard knocking down sense on. As I will assume I am the person with the wrong answer. It is always like this.

This is one of the worst kind of stress. it's the deep down stress that doesn't show until you're in the middle of math class and suddenly you're about to cry. But listening to my seniors, they said this was nothing. There is more to come, Pre-lims and the real thing. People are encouraging, some have too high hopes that I am scared I will not be able to meet. I have a whole family of more than 100 people out there awaiting my results, the 'good news'. It just feel so pressurising.

Now now, I have just spill out everything that is bothering me nowadays. I would not be Shema, if I do not have a solution to that. Hehe, it is simple. I am giving myself a break of one whole day and a half! I am going to do nothing, but immerse myself in storybooks. This will calm me down and I will be right on track! Then Wednesday I will be back to the hectic revising and cramming for science MCQ. weee.

I am happy because i have been hanging out with my group close of friends, and having the blast of our lives. Just cannot seem to sink that next year we will be parting. Oh whatevers, for now lets have fun!

Two birds, one stone.

2011-05-13T20:34:00.000+08:00

Literature paper 2 was a smack in the face. So far almost all the passage-based questions are like, "how would the audience find this hilarious?' or how it evoke laughter. BUT THE THING IS, it does not. It only does for a small portion of it. I do not find myself finding the humor in it. The essay was kind of a surprise, but lets hope for the best. I just hope I did not regret my choice of question. Literature Paper 1, was a disaster. A total, no comment about it.
-
As I am a kind soul, I helped adila search present for her mommeh. As we were walking, we remembered an incident last year where she with flat on her face with the amaths tb as she tripped on the 4th floor. It was too hilarious, so instead of helping her I was laughing beside her. This made me laugh all over again. then i said, "woah, I will not forget this high school moments". Laughs, what was i thinking? it is secondary school, not high school -.-
Anyway, we were so happy that tomorrow there is no school, so decided to borrow books and caught up with classmates lives. Awesme time with them today especially udi butt moments with ai theng.

People laugh at my laugh, I laugh at your acting.

2011-05-09T20:36:00.001+08:00

I just can't wait for this time to fast forward to june holidays. I feel like I am grasping the tree from the middle. i need to start from the beginning, the basic. That is where things will make sense, that is where i can strive. i cannot fool myself and start from the middle. I feel so annoyed when you study something for the exam, cause you were told it is going to come out, but then it does not. you work so hard for it, and then nothing. Stupid SS, cheat my feeling. Nevertheless, I did my best, recalling my vague memory of whatever topic. This is why you cannot gamble, you have to take all the chances. you never know what might happen. Sometimes, I feel that I am the only person feeling a certain feeling, but then I go online and I see there atleast 3billion who feels the same. So i came to a conclusion is that, we are all similar with our feelings. What differentiate us is that some are expert in showing it, while some are expert in hiding it. Go figure.
I am still left with three subjects to go, and I have a feeling that...nah its okay. I shall have confidence, it is never too late.
I love it when I find out people true identies. For you, I did. Finally things are falling into place. You are really just another hypocrite on the long run. Have fun, before karma catches up with you, and whip you hard with her hair. :)
-
I love to read. I wish I could advise more people to read. There's a whole new world in books. If you can't afford to travel, you travel mentally through reading. You can see anything and go anyplace you want to in reading.
Michael Jackson

Stress, life, books.

2011-05-05T11:55:00.001+08:00

There's something happening. It's going on everywhere. And it binds us together.

It's exam time; around the universe, students are bunking down in libraries, messy desks to prepare for an epic battle. Our weapons? All nighters, red bull, and copious amounts of time spent procrastinating on social networking sites. Our goal? To just pass. Stress is high, anxiety is overbearing.

I just dislike how they do not know how to set exam dates. You cannot put two heavy subjects on the same day. Maths and Social studies? Maths and Biology? Oh seriously?

Aiman said: I hate how they give us the choice to choose between which subject to pass.

Sigh, I mean how much can our brain take, memorising things that are taught for two years. I do not know how I am going to fair for tomorrow Biology and Maths paper 2, the killer. I am hoping for the best, and I really need lady luck with me tomorrow. really need it. I am on the verge of giving up.

please let me know, you are worth the trouble.

2011-05-02T21:03:00.003+08:00

If it is not tomorrow, it is a year later. If it is not, it is a decade later or a century. but I will visit this places with my own hardwork money and not my parents. Just you watch. With my prince charming.

"One of the traps of adolescence is the sort of paranoid resentment that somehow you're never going to match up and that everybody else's life is going to be better and finer and fuller. That everyone else attended some secret lesson in which how to live was taught and you had a dental appointment that day, or you were somehow not invited."

please let me know, you are worth the trouble.

2011-05-02T21:03:00.001+08:00

Deja Vu.

2011-05-02T00:09:00.002+08:00

Police say that a man armed with a large knife beheaded an 18-year-old woman at her school in front of her horrified classmates in eastern India.
The attacker later told police he was in love with the victim but her parents wouldn't allow them to marry.
Police official Pravin Kumar Singh said Thursday that officers arrested Bijendra Kumar on suspicion of killing Khushbu, who uses only one name. He allegedly attacked her a ceremonial curved weapon called a khukri as she was leaving her classroom Wednesday in the eastern city of Ranchi.
Authorities say the blade sliced her head off and she died instantly. Kumar was quickly mobbed by the other students and handed over to the police. Singh says Kumar told the police that he had also intended to kill himself.
-http://sg.news.yahoo.com/lovesick-indian-man-beheads-woman-her-school-065959794.html (Source taken from)
____________
when I read that article, i was taken back. Such things are happening all over the world. Such things, that I was so familiar with. Such things that has once happened to a close relative of mine. reading this brings my memories two years back, when I went back home. It was our second day in El-dinder, Hadeel and I were having our afternoon nap when suddenly we heard shoutings and chaos voices. We both woke up, and went outside to find adults crying. They said Ishragah, a 19 years old, close cousin of mine passed away due to an accident. It was very overwhelming and too much for me to handle. I have not met the girl for 3 years, and to learn I will never meet her again. Tears were rolling down my cheeks like the nigara falls. Hadeel and I wore our Ibayah, and went to her mom house, where it was already crowded with people. Finally, when I went to hug her mom, she said to me "Ishragah is not able to see you, you are not able to see her" thats when my eyes could not take it anymore. I had to get away from there. Luckily most us youth have to help in getting water and chairs. Hadeel, Namasik and I went in the vehicle. Hassan was there too. All this while, I thought Ishragah death was because of a car accident, I assumed it was. That was when Namsik told Hadeel and I the story. It was murder. A guy in the same college as her, stabbed her because he loved her and she wants to focus on her studies. I was fuming with anger upon hearing the story. Ishragah was a religious, demure and petite girl. She was one of a kind, very pure and unlike other girls. She was the perfect girl in everything. Even her studies, she is always the top student. Days passed, but she was mentioned always. Her story is told everywhere. Her family was very patient. They endured and grieved her death. Her mom was a brave brave women, that I salute. She handled it well. But deep down inside, everyone can feel her pain.
The guy now is dead, he was sentenced to death last november. This case was a big case, where everyone wanted justice for her. I wonder what kind of defence lawyer would even think about defending such a devil. Actually, the lawyer asked the killer to pretend to be maniac. but seriously, lunatic or not such a deed is never forgiveable. Had he lived in this world, he would suffer worse than death, because he has to face the society. Ishragah mother actually forgave him. She said leave it to Allah, he will do her daughter justice. Ya Allah, please do and eliminate all types of such devils. Make them learn a lesson.

It never is okay.

2011-04-28T20:46:00.001+08:00

When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy'. They told me I didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life.

- John Lenon

____________________

That sure does make someone smile, dont you think? Also today during literature, ms sandra was talking about mid year exam, and the fat that she is in love with the unseen poem she chose for us. She said it is a poem about singapore. Aiman said something interesting.

Aiman: Aiya, confirm catherine lim again, ALWAYS HER.

Ms Sandra: its a poem aiman, THINK TOAD THINK.

Hilarious, and you should see Aiman expression.

Sigh on a sadder note, I failed my literature test for the first time, and NO it is not okay. IT is not.

It is another wake up call, but IT IS NOT OKAY. IT IS NOT. even though she said everyone did not do well, IT IS STILL NOT OKAY.

Because you deserve your misfortune.

2011-04-27T19:12:00.001+08:00

So I was talking to Adilo and Atirah, when some jerk butt into our conversation, uninvited and answered the rethorical question I asked. If he had by any chance answered it in a proper manner I would not mind it, but he was superior about it, no wait he was rude. I rarely get pissed at such things, but today this incident made me so infuriate and pique. He affected my whole exam mood, lucky it was english. Had it been maths or combine humans, I doubt my brain would be able to function.
Like a bee, he stung with his words. It did not affect me, it is just the choice of words he used. Maybe your batch last year was barbaric. But incase you have not notice for the past 4 months, my batch is more civilised. So you either adapt to it or stop sticking out like an ugly ducklin with your wild and BARBARIC. You're so self-centered, so spoiled,so disrespectful, so vulgar, so idiotic, so much of things that I detest in a person. I have always gone out of my way to being nice to you, even when others are not at times. I felt a sense of pity for you at times, when I see you around school without your clique and unable to join a clique in our batch because every clique is afraid of changes. But maybe the real reason was not change, the real reason was your attitude. Your 'I AM BIGGER THAN EVERYONE ATTITUDE". Now I understand why you are a loner, now I understand. Things are finally falling into pieces about your character. I would say one thing, you deserve it. You totally do. Everything, your misfortune. I honestly hate putting others down, but in your case I do not feel a sense of remorse at all, because you ill-mannered boy deserve it. Oh and it is so not over, just you wait.

A change of opinion, nah not really.

2011-04-26T21:30:00.001+08:00

It is not news that i hate you. I really do since last year, but I respected you. I treated you as how pupils are supposed to treat a person with a position like you. But now, my respect has gone to a zero. Why am I in your territory I still dont get it, when most of them are in the other. I want to be with the most of them, with the other. Atleast i do not have to see your crooked face, hear your barking voice and annoying. I would do anything, anything to get out of your territory. Thanks for giving me a reason to really despise you.
to the other you, I know you are way too busy with the amount of piling responsibility you are getting, but set your priorities straight, what is your main purpose in the first place? Now everyone in that tribe hates you, because of your fake promises, your ditching us all the time and your lies. Never expected that from you.

Another battle to face yet again.

2011-04-25T20:34:00.001+08:00

Feeling a little low today, for no real reason. Trying to keep myself from sulking and falling back. I don't want to go back now.. it's taken too much effort to get to where I am. The cravings are hitting me hard today. I want to stay strong, but at the same time I know how much 'easier' it is just to let myself fall back into the usual routine. Ohhh. Lots of negative thoughts mixed in with the cravings. Trying to ignore them. It's almost working.
I feel like today could be a long one. You can ignore cravings, but they're always there pulsing away in the background. I so want to give in.
Why do I feel like this anyway? I had a brilliant day saturday. Yesterday was tiring but rewarding, to an extent. I was too lazy to get up on time earlier.. maybe that has something to do with it. I guess it could be because I've got to go back to school tomorrow for remedials and that just screams exams. I feel unprepared and a little stressed now. The three days break has been like a space to breathe, and a space to catch up with myself. It's almost been like a little bit of recovery. But now I'm getting thrown back into everything again, and I'm terrified of relapsing, and terrified of breaking.
I supose that's just life though. Time can't wait for you, you just have to keep running ahead or you fall behind very quickly. Looks like I'll be playing a horribly stressful game of catch-up for the next few weeks. It makes me feel a little ill just thinking about it. Ya Allah, i am afraid.
-
My desk and chair lay beside a wide window showing me the life outdoors as opposed to my dull lifeless room. Every time I look over my shoulder, I feel the urge of leaping out, not literally. I've always had a strong tendency to drop all priorities and return to them at night; when life itself falls asleep. My eyes grow tired of words far too easy, and my body lusts the warm heat and a touch of breeze. I suppose I'll go for a jog and come back to my studies. this is where I miss my dad, we used to jog together all the time.

Hey goodevening, I am Shema Moawia and YOU are not.

2011-04-24T22:37:00.001+08:00

Stop assuming you are me, and tell me what to do. Stop spreading rumors about me, that I myself do not know. Thanks :)
-
I Am Observant
Not really.
I'm just stating the plain and simple truth.
I rarely hear that someone has been talking about me but when I do I don't get mad, I just feel hurt. If they even knew me these days or just remembered who I used to be then they wouldn't make fun of me especially when they don't have the slightest clue how I've been hurting.
So if I could say this to your face I would but I won't, I don't need the drama and I won't give anyone the pleasure.
You changed somehow and I don't like it, not everything I say is about you and I don't remember the last time it was. You are a sweetheart but don't start becoming people we used to tolerate because we felt sorry they had nothing better to do than talk about others. You're way better than that. Way better.
-
Today Ain came over, and we studied for more than 3hours plus without distraction. So fun, and proud because we both had the urge to touch our phones but we stopped each other. yay, thats what bestfriends are for!

Just a feeling

2011-04-23T13:11:00.001+08:00

Sometimes it's way better to pretend you don't know a thing. Not that you don't care but it's just that the situation doesn't give you the permission to be concerned.
-
I think i am in deep trouble. but there is only one problem, i dont know what the trouble is? I keep thinking and thinking, but I come up with nothing. That is when i realise, my life is already close to perfect, so why am i feeling this way? hmms.

Student Leaders

2011-04-21T18:31:00.001+08:00

Did you know the real reason, I volunteered to be a Councillor was because of my admiration of primary school prefects? I have always found them so cool, with the tie. So when given the opportunity, I could not help but take it, and obviously I dragged half of my friends along in 1/4 back then. Getting in it was kind of a shock because I thought I had wrecked the interview and I would not be chosen. I was so happy, that I would volunteer to take part in most of the activities. Then secondary two came, and Ms Ang had chosen me as appointed me as one of the excos. That was the biggest shock ever, because I never thought I had it in me. ofcourse, again I did not had faith in me that I will make it after the interview, but I did. That year, it was Irwin batch to graduate. I really admired their batch because they were so united and brought the council alive. I sometimes fantasized about being up there and talking to the council. I also wanted my batch of excos to be like them.

Never in my whole world, did I imagine I would be the Vice-president. I mean seriously. Even though it added responsibility, made my life more challenging. It kind of played a huge role in it. My exco members is the main key. We are very united. Even though, now and then, there would be the usual misunderstanding. We as a team, always manage to reach our goal for any event. If it was not for them, I would have no idea how i handle and manage myself. Thats the truth. Three years working with you was, one of the best thing in my secondary school life. I have learnt a lot of things from you guys. The meaning of leadership, of putting yourself in others shoe. You taught me how to work under pressure, you gave me the strength to carry on, even when I feel like tumbling down. You supported syaqila, xian chun and I in our leadership roles. From the bottom of my heart, I would like to thank each one of you, Syaqila, Xian Chun, Ray, Menda, Aqilah, Khalisah, Chindi, Khairunnisa and Rusydi. Also to Aiman, even though you left earlier, we still consider you as one of us. Thank you for everything you guys have done to me, for tolerating my blurness and slowness. My nonsense and my hyperness. My lame and irritating character. I would like to take this opportunity to apologise, if I had offended you in anyway, may it be on purpose or not. Forgive me. Thanks. All the best now in everything you do. I kinda feel awkward not to be wearing ties, don't you agree? Sigh but we will get used to it. Lets trust that the sec 3s, will do their best and lets give them our support. :)

Dear Student Leaders,
Thank you guys, for everything. For letting me be your VP and co-operating with me. Each one of you made a great impact on me and never failed to make me smile. Don't become a stranger, say hi to me whenever you see me. Lastly, cherish your time and do your best in everything, may it be studies, in your cca, class and student leaders. Best thing ofcourse, HAVE FUN!
lots of love, Shema♥

Back on track

2011-04-14T19:25:00.001+08:00

It's nice to have an evening where I can just do nothing. Today our remedials were cancelled, so Adilo and I decided to roam around jurong point for fun. Nah, joking actually there was a purpose. After getting that done, we had our lunch, were we just caught up with each other about all the things that has been occurring in our lives. It was nice, very nice. We tease each other alot, seriously till it just became a habit, and we are not even aware of it. Walked aimlessly around jurong point after that. Fun day, fun time.

How was history? Sbq was a killer :(

No feelings, like a zombie.

2011-04-13T20:38:00.001+08:00

I feel like i'm drowning. I can't move, time just keeps moving but i'm numb.
I've been numb for months, i don't even know how i got here. Sometimes i feel like i can't breathe, but ultimately i don't feel anything.
I want to feel happiness, love, joy, even anger. I just feel nothing sometimes i can get angry but i don't feel it, i can't feel pain. I want to feel like i'm living, and not just drifting through life. If only i could breathe.
I just want to sleep forever.

The difference, between then and now.

2011-04-11T19:58:00.001+08:00

When you were a child, you put your hand on the trunk of a tree and you were comforted, because you knew that the tree was alive―you felt its life when you touched it―and you knew that it was friendly to you, or, at least, not hostile. But of people you were always a little afraid.

When you are a child you are yourself and you know and see everything prophetically. And then suddenly something happens and you stop being yourself; you become what others force you to be. You lose your wisdom and your soul.
-
Sometimes I ignore everyone around me, because I just feel like doing so.

Yet another serious wake up call

2011-04-10T00:02:00.001+08:00

I have no problem with motivation. I can motivate myself and others. I do it all the time. I give 'lectures' to myself all that time. I tell myself what to do, and how to do it. I even plan it. Then you must be wondering, what is the problem here? The problem is, it is all talk but no work. I mean after I give myself the best motivation, the best planning to study and blahblah. I start to become lazy and procrastinate, 10 minutes later, then 1hour later, then 2hours and it goes on on, and I just throw my hands up in the air and say AHHHHHH. I am so furious at myself for being such a lazy bum. Especially nowadays, my homework is not up to standard, I just do the least requirements. I do not do my best, and I feel so guilty, because I am not putting my best. And i am aware of that, but why can't I do anything about it? Sigh, dear shema you really need to wake up. This is no time for all these, you really need to get your head in the game. There is time for all that, but now. Stop focusing on useless things or rather, things that will not be there for you in the future. :( Insya'allah, things will change now. But i doubt so, but I have to be positive, so I shema will stop procrastinating, now who is with me?! :D

When I heard Lady Gaga's born this way song first was because of Maria Aargon cover. It took my breath away, and literally made the hairs on my hands stand up. Lady gaga did not made the official music video yet, and I was looking forward to that, cause I had a strong feeling that she will do an awesome video as the lyrics are really meaningful and carry a strong message, that every single person is born special and superstars. But I was baffled and crestfallen when I saw the music video, after its release. Honestly, I have nothing against her, but why is such words being represented by such atrocious and ghastly video? You do know that kids look up to you, they watch your videos. I do not care if she worship Illuminati or whatever, its her choice. But what an opportunity wasted for her. She could have made the best 2011 video, that is unique yet at the same time practical and relate to many people. Sigh, I still like the song though. Just I will NEVER ever watch the video again. It almost made me puke my intestines out.

Memoirs of Friendship, BLCB.

2011-04-08T22:32:00.001+08:00

The Emcee came onto the stage. The moment we have all been waiting is for, was right there on his hands. But then ofcourse, they like to suspend the results, by thanking the organisations the judges name. In my head I was already thinking, just get over it will you. we do not care about this all! But then at the same time, I was terrified, of the results. Finally the annoucing of results began, adrenaline was pumping all over my body. My brain could not function, I was afraid but excited, cause just maybe just maybe, we could create history. As it was finally band 60, I held onto both Hengyean and Natasha hands tightly, and cupped my ears. I really did not want to hear the results, and suddenly mr david said, "Band 63...Bronze". Despite the fact that I was covering my ears, I could hear the sound clearly, the words. It went straight to the heart. I slowly, let go of their hands and suddenly its like no one's allowed to speak. No one's allowed to scream. Conversations are held in whispers; everyone is crying. Boys and Girls, everyone. Everyone is looking at anything but each other: Silent tears are everywhere, an occasional sigh or groan of the pain everyone feels. Everything feels flash frozen, slow moving. I wanted to scream. I wanted to believe that, it was wrong. I heard wrong. It was a mix up, anything. Because it was impossible...impossible. We played our best out there, we...but then...but we..speechless.
Stepping out of the hall was worse. I was trying to be invisible, I did not want to face anyone sad face. It was disheartening. Ex-members and teachers tried to comfort us, it was not our fault but it just fell on deaf ears. Mrs Chee talked and said it was not our fault, but I could see that it also hurt her to see us hurting. It was not our fault, we tried, we did our best. But nothing could change the score, it was already there, calculated.
-
The comfort of band members was really nice. It is like everyone was on the same page, so bonded. That is when it hit me, so what if we did not get the medal we suppose to get? So what? It is just a title. We won something much more valuable, that even a GWH band did not win. We won trust, love and friendship of each other. We bonded. We became Unisono. Our efforts for SYF was even higher than a GWH standard, but so what if we did not get? we enjoyed the process and thats what matters. RIGHT? RIGHT?
Thank you to every single person in BLCB, to give me memories that I will bring with me, in my whole life. Thank you, for teaching me that despite our differences, people can be united. Thank you for the 4 years.
One of my upcoming posts, will be talking about my memoirs with the band, so stay tuned!

Jumping to conclusion is easy, but it is not nice.

2011-04-04T20:10:00.001+08:00

Everything is great and out of no where awful things happen in your pleasant life to a point where you are left in shock. I think its really cool that you can vent and talk to someone or type out how you feel. It does wonders. The bad thing about it when your finish being honest you can't be in denial about everything because you just said it. Your uncomfortable with the truth and don't agree with what's going on, your sick with everything because you don't have no control to change your situation. At times people just say half what's going on and let the truth be stuck in the back of their head. Some times people like myself, keep everything to ourselves because we ask our selfs who will understand. A lot of ppl can't understand your situation and brush you off like it's nothing, but others can relate.
-
Another interesting point I would like to share. Actually three-quarter of the things I post sometimes, are my feelings about things that happened years ago. I wont vent about something that recently happened not unless it is urgent. Most of the time, I will disguise it, in such a way that you will not know I am talking about you ever. So if you read something, and you feel that it refers to you, well you are wrong. But then again, if it affected you or you assumed I am talking about you, well then reflect on yourself, maybe you did do something.
Seriously, I was really disappointed when you said that because it was obvious it was a reply to me. But the sad thing is, I was never refering to you nor anybody in our clan. I was remembering something that happened 2 years ago. Next time, please do not jump into any conclusion, unless you are sure or if you have evidence to support it.

Something, never to be forgotten.

2011-04-02T22:11:00.001+08:00

I just dont know, whenever I watch the video 'What are words' I will just cry. really it is that touching, and it affects me.
Today's practise was the last Saturday. Left two more days of hardwork, and then the real day. I do not know, how my life is going to be like after that. Band currently is like the centre of my world, i do not know how to adjust after that. After the big day, I will be so lost with my band time, which will then become my free time. just going to miss it. The band is so bonded, so bonded that it leaves me speechless. I am going to miss that kecoh atmosphere, that moment, when one a person does something, and sets the rest into fits of giggles.
Focus, and I believe we can do it. UNISONO~
-
I love days where Ain, Lya and I just hangout and crap about everything. It reminds me of our sec 1s moments.

end

2011-04-02T08:04:00.001+08:00

The Last Saturday. Make it or break it.
going to miss the chaos, the kecohness.

Old habits never change, no matter how much you change.

2011-03-31T23:37:00.003+08:00

I want share something very outrageous and yet hilarious at the same time. Well, I was always aware that I was careless. However I did not know to what extent. Today, I realised I am careless to the FULLEST EXTENT, and it is something that is stuck with me forever. here how the story goes. I wanted to print a picture of a friend of mine, so after editing it and saving it in a thumbdrive, I got ready to head to clementi to print it. So I boarded the bus, and it never occured to me to check the content of my bag at all. As i was on my way to the printing shop, I reach into my bag for the thumbdrive, and strangely it was nowhere to be seen. That is when I realise i forgot to bring. fuyoh, ofcourse, i was in a state of turmoil. Seriously, I could not comprehend what reason would have led me to forget the thumbdrive, the main reason I was going clementi for. And the most bizarre thing happened, I began to realise the stupidness of the situation, and laughed hysterically to myself, as I Uturn back to TohGuan. And Ain was not helping either, she was giving me more reasons to laugh, because she said, "HAHA LAUGH SHEMA LAUGH.DONT BE ANGRY COS IF U ANGRY MEANS SYAITON ALRDY CONQUER U" which just made me laugh harder, especially when she mentioned the tattoo incident. Today was just an interesting day, only the night part. Old habits never change, no matter how much a person change. This incident proved me.

Today is one of them.

2011-03-30T21:34:00.001+08:00

There are days where I wish I could wear a "do not disturb" sign around my neck.

Today is my hitler husband partnah birthdaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

people tell you you can be like you want to. but if you aren't what they like you to be, they judge you.

2011-03-29T21:31:00.004+08:00

There are times when I wish I was a little meaner…I've read something that's kinda annoyed me, and I want to hit back a tad with an appropriate amount of sarcasm.

But I wont, because I am much more mature, and you know it :)

sometimes I do not got everyone. because everyone like "you can be like you want to. nobody will judge you for who you are" But then you are who you are and people judge you. I often see a post of someone suicidal and a few comments underneath like "don't do it. your life is worth living etc etc" but then, a few days/minutes later, I see a post like "ugh. please kill yourself already" Even if it's not for/about the suicidal one, it kinda sucks. See the hypocrisy -

Just because.

Just because I'm tired doesn't mean I'll give up

Just because I'm smiling doesn't mean I'm not broken

Just because people say something doesn't make it true

Before you judge someone, get to know them first.

Sometimes only a paper wil listen to you.

2011-03-28T21:04:00.001+08:00

I feel contented. Maybe because hardwork was paid off (studies), or maybe because I am just living my life and not caring about my surroundings.
However I do get irritated easily with a bunch of people. I hate when people pretend to be goody-two shoes infront of me, and assume I am the 'bad' one. I MEAN SERIOUSLY, I do not need constant reminder about homework, I think I have a planner that I write down what I need to do. Just because I do not do my homework Before time sometimes, does not mean I will not do it ON time. Hello, it is not like I am 24hours free, and I purposely chose not to do. My time is so packed, and anyway, what matters is I get it done when it is suppose to be handed in, whether I do it the night before or the week before, why does it concern you? Please la, keep your goody-two shoes attitude to yourself, you decadent student. Sigh just now was an awesome ranting time with ain, where I told her about this particular awesome student, that cares so much about my homework. Some people really no life, so they just have to interefere with other people life and disrupt it.
-
You came back once again, digging up the indelible memories that i tried so hard to conceal.

You are lucky, but some are not.

2011-03-23T22:07:00.002+08:00

I am very lucky, if I were to pause and reflect.

If you are reading this, then you are sitting at a computer, and there is likely a roof over your head, and the place you're in, it likely has air or heat. We are the fortunate ones, even with our heavy hearts. We have so much. Sometimes I feel bad, when I complain, bitch, or rant about my life. I feel horrible at times knowing that my life is actually not as bad as I make it out to be & there's someone else out there who can't afford food or live in a warm house. Sometimes you can't help it though, it's like whenever something goes wrong in life, you have to vent about it. It's the first instinct. But later on when you read back through it, you feel like a spoiled brat. Someone else would be very fortunate to have your life & yet you are here complaining. It always happens, and it is a cycle we need to break.

I was reading somewhere, about someone that is the same age as me.

She is not worried about whether she has the latest phone nor the latest fashion, she is just happy to have somewhere comfortable to sit for a while. She is not concerned about what she look like. She is so gracious for the things that you and I take for granted everyday.
It's incredibly eye-opening for me to see this. A girl who is my age… In her teens. She isn't worried about classes or buying books, just about surviving another day. She's not worried about having a curfew, she just hopes she can find a safe place to sleep. She looks so much older than I do. She is so weathered, so experienced. She's seen so much, lived so much. Nothing I can even compare to. Nothing I've ever had to worry about.

I am so fortunate to have a familiy that had the means to raise me & provide for me. We take so much for granted. Be appreciative of EVERYTHING in your life. Be happy that you have a home, you have food, you have clothes, you have clean water, you have shoes on your feet… And even more than that. We have excess. We have more than we need to survive.

So maybe we should all do what we can. Volunteer or donate money to those who have so much less than us. All the homeless aren't drunks or liars or drug addicts. They are normal people like you and me. Sometimes families can't provide. Sometimes jobs are lost and hope is lost. Everyone has a different story.

I hope that eyes will be opened. I hope that hands will help. I hope that hearts are changed.

A jubilant dayyyyy?

2011-03-22T21:36:00.001+08:00

I feel like a billionaire. Nah, joke.
Today Adilo did not come school, school was such a bore. Especially chemistry class no one to crap with, but nevertheless I continued my crap with the class. Get well soon Adilo! :)
-
have you ever experienced one of those days where everything makes you happy. I think today is one of them for me. I just feel happy.
Even Aung said to me during free period, aww shema come on tell me why you so happy. I know you are happy. I can see from your smile. so funny!

No matter how hard you try, you'll never make them happy.

2011-03-21T18:09:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, all your efforts in trying to make someone happy is useless and good-for-nothing. You'll be there for them and you constantly try to keep them smiling. You sacrifice all your time talking to them and encouraging them to stay strong. You don't care if they bring you down all the time, just as long as they're okay, which is all that matters to you. You use all your strength and every fiber of your being to help them out. You try harder and give it your all. You try your very best and put all your heart and soul into seeing them smile, but nothing ever works. You're not the right person to comfort them. You will never be. They will never care for you the way you care so much for them. They need someone else, someone better to keep them happy. Although they mean a lot to you, you will always mean absolutely nothing to them. You will try so hard for them, but nothing's ever good enough. You will never be good enough.

No sense, or nonsense?

2011-03-20T15:11:00.001+08:00

Yay, thanks to maddy now I have my twitter updates on my blog.

Today I had the weirdest dream ever. When I mean by weird, I mean really bizarre. It was about me with a bunch of friends, that I forgot who being chased by a bunch of underworld people. They want to murder us, so it was like a goose chase thing. We were running and running from place to place, from singapore, to boonlaysec, to Amna binte wahab school to a hotel to a village. It was really weird. Then in the end we did get caught, and were shot.

As we were lying on the ground 'dead' suddenly i talked and said,

"aww come on wake up, its just a dream. lets have icecream"

AND WE WOKE UP AND HAD ICE CREAMMMMMM.

I couldn't recall the dream vividly but these were the highlights. wow what a weirdo.

Diuretic

2011-03-19T22:44:00.001+08:00

sometimes,
you just have to laugh during a critique.
even if everyone else looks at you strangely after
I just cannot wait for this phase to go, to pass, to fly away. I am full of fatigue of pretending, of your 'care', tired of everything treated as a joke. sometimes I am really serious, but it is considered a joke. I dont mind it though, because I have learnt to laugh at a critique even if it keeps people wondering.
-
who do you think you are? running around leaving scars collecting a jar of hearts tearing love apart you're gonna catch a cold from the ice inside your soul don't come back for me.

WAKE UP CALL, BLCB :)

2011-03-16T22:58:00.002+08:00

There is still 3 weeks. It is either make it or break it. You choose.

We are a strong team, we went through so many things, we endured so many things. You cannot break down during the last lap, this is where we have to sprint, where we have to give it all. All of you can see the ribbon. However to cross it, you have to do something. Sprint faster, work 10 times better. Do not tell me, you want all those saturdays, camps and practises to just go down the drain? So come on, everyone wake up. It is just a matter of 3 weeks. Just 3 weeks, forget everything, dedicate yourself. Do it, and trust me, at the end of the day even IF we did not get what we achieve, atleast you could proudly say, I did my best.

Like what the teacher said, the worst thing could happen is we walk out from the hall and say, i could have done better.

So this is a wake up call to everyone. If all these while you were slacking, well wake up your mind, and work like you have never work before. If all these while you worked hard, maintain that or work double harder and trust me you can do it. Lets make Mrs chee, Mr tan, Mr Junn effort pay off. Especially Mrs chee's. oh wake up wake up :)

COME ON, UNISONO~